Ten Myths You’ve Probably Heard in Bars
Saturday, January 6th, 2007
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The world of booze can be mystifying to people that don’t work in bars or around alcohol all the time. I hear a lot of assumptions about the industry I’m in that are — much like 90% of what you hear in bars — completely false. Here are a few you’ve probably heard yourself.
1. Amaretto is almond liqueur.
I’ve been hearing this one a lot lately. One never really thought much about amaretto ten years ago, but now it’s all over the place. I suspect this is not so much because amaretto is a wonderful liqueur as much as those ads (”DiSaronno on the rocks…“) are:
- on all the time.
- horrible.
Sure, okay, it tastes like almonds, but did you know that amaretto is actually made from apricot pits? It’s true.
Disaronno Originale is from the town of Saronno, Italy and is most likely the original amaretto liqueur, dating back to 1525. It is made from apricot pits steeped in either brandy or neutral spirits, with the addition of herb flavors and sweeteners. So the next time you hear someone refer to amaretto as almond liqueur, set them straight.
And DiSaronno, please do something about your ads.
2. Gin and vodka are completely different liquors.
There’s a real myth about gin, that it’s alcohol made from juniper berries. While this is partly true, gin and vodka start life pretty much the same way: as grain-based neutral spirits. The difference with gin is that it undergoes a final distillation — or sometimes just an infusion — that flavors the spirit with juniper, cinnamon, lemon peel, cardamom and other exotic flavors.
Sadly, gin often gets a bad rap from neophytes who only drink vodka. However, if you’re one of those considering a leap past flavorless grain alcohol, think of gin as a form of infused vodka and you will begin to explore the beauty, sophistication and exotic flavor of a truly wonderful spirit.
3. Any drink served in a cocktail glass is a martini.
A Martini is a drink made with gin or vodka, vermouth, and olives or a lemon twist. That’s it. (More Here)
A Martini does not involve:
- apple schnapps
- raspberry liqueur
- lemongrass-infused ginger vodka
- fresh lime juice
- grenadine
A Martini is not:
- “shaken to perfection”
- served with a graham-cracker rim
There is no cream in a Martini. A Martini does not have jalapeños in it. There is also no such thing as a “chocolate martini”.
A Martini is a drink made with gin or vodka, vermouth, and olives or a lemon twist. That’s it.
Although the name of the glass we serve Martinis in has slowly been bastardized into martini glass, its true name is the cocktail glass, and anything served in it is a form of cocktail. Even the, uh, Martini.
So the next time you’re in a bar and they offer you their “Martini Menu” full of wonderful syrupy-sweet concoctions with names like the Sour Apple Martini, the Espresso Martini and the ubiquitous Pomegranate Martini, smile quietly and remember that you know better.
4. Women that go to bars alone are looking for sex.
In one way, women are no different than men: sometimes they just want to get out of the house and have a drink.
Maybe she’s single and tired of studying for exams, maybe she’s a stay-at-home mother that was offered an hour of relief from her husband and wants to enjoy a quiet glass of wine by herself. For whatever the reason a woman is sitting at the end of the bar, it’s probably none of your business. Have some class. If you do decide to approach her and she doesn’t appear to want your company, show some respect and leave her alone.
At my bar, we take very special care to dispel this myth, and as a result our establishment is a very comfortable place for women to patronize, alone or in groups. It’s something we’re proud of, and we’re more than happy to kick you out for harassing someone that doesn’t want your company.
5. People that work in bars are uneducated.
Maybe it’s just because I work and live in a college town, but some of the most highly-educated people I know work in bars. My co-bartender is a former sports journalist. The bartender at the pub I have a drink in after work has a law degree. Myself? I have a degree in architecture. And there’s one question we just love hearing night after night.
“So why are you still just a bartender?”
Well, we’re still just bartenders for many reasons.
- We like the hours.
- We like meeting new people every day.
- We’re passionate about mixology.
- We’re lousy at sitting in an office all day (we’ve tried.)
- We actually enjoy bartending.
So before you judge that woman behind the bar, just remember: she could have a PhD in botany and be bartending so that she has time to work on her book about South American agricultural anthropology. Seriously.
6. Male bartenders go home with a different woman every night.
When I got my first job bartending at a tender young age, I had visions of Tom Cruise in the movie Cocktail: hotel room keys sliding across the bar as I coolly sipped a spiked coffee, standing with one foot on the brass rail and gazing across the emptying room at the end of a long night while I decided which young vixen to go home with.
The real truth hits me every other Friday night, as I lie on my stomach in an inch of standing water, trying to fish a whole lime out of my floor drain with a steak knife in a vain attempt to keep the entire bar from flooding. The truth of the matter is, bartending is a job like any other, but with eight more hours of standing and a wild pack of drunks to tend to every night. At the end of that night, there’s an hour’s worth of cleanup to do, and the sad truth is that by the time most of us are done,
most people are sound asleep.
Sorry to break it to you, young bartenders, but I think you should know this before you become disillusioned and bitter.
Like me.
7. Bartenders that measure ingredients don’t know what they’re doing.
I’ve been bartending for over ten years now, but I still measure a lot of what I pour. Why? Well, sometimes it’s because I don’t have a pour spout in that bottle of 12-dollar-a-shot single-malt scotch. Sometimes it’s because I’m making the perfect Mai Tai and I know there’s no way I can measure out an exact half-ounce of simple syrup from the plastic jug. Sometimes it’s because I want to make sure you get every drop of the liquor you ordered and not short you – or my bosses.
In these days of “flair bartending” (juggling), with dollars worth of booze literally spilling out all over the floor every night, I find it refreshing when I sit at a bar and see a bartender who cares enough about me, and his/her job, to measure out a perfect shot of alcohol.
After all, being a great bartender is about having a deep respect for alcohol, and there’s nothing respectful about the floor behind most bars. Trust me.
8. Bartenders are walking databases of every drink ever created.
I swear to you that the following story is true. A couple of years ago, a group of people came in to my bar, and they all wanted this drink called a Woodpecker. I, like you, had never heard of this drink before in my life, so the first step I took was to look in the Big Book of Dumb Drinks that we keep behind the bar. Nada. Then I did what you would have done in a situation like this: I asked them what went in it. Nobody knew.
“Um, it was like, kind of a greenish color, but with some red in it, like a woodpecker.”
Hmmm… probably something with Midori in it. This drink is off to a very bad start. A green woodpecker? I asked them if it tasted like melon.
“No, it kind of had a coconut flavor, but with lemon in it. Like a coconut cream pie.”
Ouch. Malibu Rum. I can’t believe there’s a bar in town serving this crap. Maybe I know the bartender and I can actually find out how to make it sometime. I asked them where they had this drink.
“At our friend Dave’s house last night. He invented it!”
I was nonplussed to say the least. These otherwise intelligent, professional people were actually asking me if I knew how to make a drink that their friend made up — and named — at his house the night before.
Remember, kids: if it’s foreign to you, it might be foreign to your bartender. Tread lightly and don’t be disappointed if you don’t get what you’re looking for.
9. The real fun begins after we close.
The idea that we’re having a big party without you once the bar closes is absurd. We’re tired, we’re cranky, and we’ve still got an hour and a half of work ahead of us. I actually told you all this a half hour ago, so why are you still here? Ah, yes, the after-party. Let me tell you something, bub: it ain’t here.
One thing I’ve never understood about bars was the expectation, night after night, that we should let people sit around after we’ve closed and feed them free alcohol. Are there people hanging out at Wal-Mart around closing time trying to get the cashiers to give them free DVDs? I seriously doubt it. So why do some people insist on doing the same in bars?
Sure, there’s probably a bar in town where people are sitting and drinking for free at four in the morning. However, I can guarantee you that not one of those people was invited in for overstaying a welcome. If the lights are up and the music is off, the party’s over.
Go home.
10. Mixing alcohols will result in a hangover.
All drinkable alcohol is ethyl alcohol mixed with water and flavorings. Sure, some alcohols are made with things you might be allergic to, like wheat or the cogeners and sulfites found in grapes, but for the most part, it’s all the same: beer, wine, gin, tequila, it’s all ethyl alcohol and flavor.
I’m going to put this as clearly as I can: the reason you had a hangover last Saturday was because you had three beers, a glass of red wine, two shots of tequila, a martini, and four gins and tonic.
Simply put: it’s not the variety of different drinks you had: you simply drank too much.
06 Jan 2007 at 2:12 pm 1. Mike
Regarding the amaretto, I said that to the person running my bartending class. She then emphatically stated that they were made from almonds. I was wholly unimpressed. I love the rest of the myths, particularly the Woodpecker story.
06 Jan 2007 at 2:18 pm 2. T.C.
I gotta agree with numbers 5 and 8….I have a BA, but I like people. I really don’;t have the personality to be in an office(I’ll admit I’m doing it now though). Part of me Loved bartending, loved meeting new people every day. I used to work at a Hotel, that had a bar, and on weekend eves after the weddings finished the people would come into the bar and drink more…..we ALWAYS ended up getting someone asking for a drink we didn’t know of, and BOTH bartenders had their own bibles(different books). It was a hassle and a half. we used to just see if we could talk them into stuff we knew.
06 Jan 2007 at 2:50 pm 3. Brandon
I’ve often wondered about the exact definition of a Martini. I’ll keep that little definition in the back of my mind.
07 Jan 2007 at 5:18 am 4. andyi
Another excellent post! This site is one of my favourite blogs on the internet at the moment - keep up the good work!
07 Jan 2007 at 5:24 am 5. andyi
PS… one of the sites that advertises in your google adwords has a recipe for an Apple Martini!
Perhaps you should go and put them straight!
07 Jan 2007 at 1:00 pm 6. Jewish mom
Regarding vodka; one word.
Monopolowa.
07 Jan 2007 at 2:42 pm 7. Jimmy
great!
07 Jan 2007 at 4:56 pm 8. Samuel John Klein
That’s one of the best posts on anything I’ve read in a while.
I was especially surprised to find out how much in common gin and vodka had.
I must expose my parochalism though; regardless of what gin’s made with, I’ve never been able to warm to the taste! I’m pretty much a rum snob, but there are some liquors like gin (and, in most cases, bourbon) that I don’t care a whit for.
So, I feel a little finickiy in my booze preferences, sure. But I do know what I like!
08 Jan 2007 at 7:31 am 9. Chris
About #10, I had heard that the more pure an alcohol was (i.e. the less that is mixed with the ethyl alcohol I guess) then the less severe your hangover will be. A friend of mine, when he wants to get drunk, has starting drinking exclusively vodka or gin because he says they’re more ‘pure’ and don’t give him as bad a hangover. Is that true?
Personally, I have always assumed that the degree of my hangover was related to the type of beer I was drinking (e.g. dark vs light, etc) as well as the quantity. Surely that’s true isn’t it?
08 Jan 2007 at 10:18 am 10. Jeffrey
To some extent the congeners — impurities produced during the fermentation process — are responsible for a hangover, but the truth of the matter is that a hangover is mainly caused by dehydration.
Sure, there may be other contributing factors, those impurities being one, sulfites being another. However, the only way to truly beat a hangover is by drinking lots and lots of water alongside your drinks, or simply not overindulging at all.
08 Jan 2007 at 10:44 am 11. lindalou
I gotta say, Mr M, your attitude towards women is really refreshing. Sometimes I will go to my local wine bar to read a book and get away from whatever I’m working on, and what really bothers me the most is not the men that hassel me endlessly, but the bartenders who don’t seem to care one way or the other.
Good for you!
08 Jan 2007 at 8:27 pm 12. Darryl
There is such thing as a Chocolate Martini, it’s very popular, and it’s usually pretty damn tasty. I know purists have been deriding the “Martini Menu” craze for the last decade or so, but an entire generation of people now call drinks served in cocktail glasses “martinis” - why fight it?
Every other point is spot-on, including the after-party thing. I’ve never understood that notion.
08 Jan 2007 at 10:54 pm 13. Jeffrey
I’d be interested in knowing what goes into a Chocolate Martini. I’ve served people two parts vanilla vodka with one part white creme de cacao and they’ve stared at me blankly.
“Why is it clear?”
I’ve served other people equal parts vodka, Godiva chocolate liqueur, and cream and they’ve looked at it like I just served them a glass of snot.
“I don’t drink dairy.”
It’s not a drink with a recipe, it’s different at every bar you walk into, and quite frankly, it tastes like shit.
I usually talk my customers into something they end up enjoying much, much more: The Brandy Alexander
10 Jan 2007 at 12:09 am 14. SkippyMom
Hi! Just found your blog and must say - great read.
I like the measured pour aspect. I love a good bourbon and coke [pedestrian I know] but sometimes when it isn’t measured it is so strong it tastes like [and appears as] a bourbon on the rocks with a splash of coke. I do like a buzz…but I like the taste more….
How do you go about not offending your bartender by saying it is too strong?
…or is that just silly?
10 Jan 2007 at 8:46 am 15. tender bars at adlibbery
[…] Now my bar knowledge is saved for nights out and dinner parties, but it is one of those professions I can always fall back on if I ever decide to go back to school for my MBA, or need time to write my first novel. For me it is a fall-back because I like marketing too much to make bartending my profession, however, I have the utmost respect for people who decided to make bartending a career. As Jeffrey Morganthaler points out in this article – most bartenders are educated degreed people who just decided that 9-5 is not for them. I loved reading his article about bartending myths. […]
11 Jan 2007 at 12:06 pm 16. Lucas
I totally agree with ‘why we bartend’. When people ask me why I bartend during the summers (I do graphic design but I live on the beach, and there are TONS of bars on the beach) I tell them one word…MONEY!!! I make more money in a 5 to 6 month period bartending then a whole year of graphic design. They never believe me. I am sure, with your experiences, that a $400 day is very common. I usually break it down. $400 a day-CASH, 6 days a week for 6 months. Plus a very nice paycheck every two weeks. Not too shabby for an ‘uneducated’ bartender!!!
12 Jan 2007 at 1:05 am 17. Smach
I have a great recipe for a chocolate martini!Take a piece of Hershey’s “chocolate” and dip it in 151. Then you light it on fire and let it melt from your hand into a cocktail glass full of 3 Olives Chocolat Vodka. Stir the martini with your chocolate covered fingers until they are free of chocolate residue and garnish with a piece of brownie. Delish!
12 Jan 2007 at 8:39 pm 18. Didn't You Hear...
…Bars are full of myths?…
Like most people, I thought Amaretto was an almond liqueur, gin and vodka were completely different liquors, and mixing alcohols will result in a hangover, but each of those facts is are among the ten bar myths that Jeffrey Morgenthaler wants to set st…
01 May 2007 at 1:09 pm 19. Rochelle
I love the myths blog and it straightened out some things I thought as a former bartender. Former because I now have too long a commute to be a banker and a bartender. As for education I also have a degree and know others that do as well. I bartended because of the money AND I like people.
I’ll try to remember to come to your place when I’m home for a visit in July and need some peace and quiet from the family.
Keep up the good work!
01 May 2007 at 1:42 pm 20. Jeffrey
Thanks, Rochelle. I love it when people who have read this website stop in and say hello, so please do!
07 May 2007 at 7:08 pm 21. Dominik MJ
Ahem Jeffrey:
Amaretto can be an almond liqueur (but there is no must of almonds). Disaronno surely hasn’t got one single almond in it, but other brands are using almonds!
Anyway, I enjoyed the other points… especially the Martini Myth.
Cheers!
07 May 2007 at 8:02 pm 22. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Hey Dominik
Since DiSaronno is the “original” amaretto, we can argue that those other brands are making something other than “real” amaretto, as real amaretto doesn’t have almonds in it!
19 May 2007 at 5:25 pm 23. Tracy
The chocolate “martini” I loved (more like dessert than a drink though!) I really wish I could recall the exact recipe, but it was several different types of alcohol, vodka I know for sure, but there was also some irish cream involved. I do remember that it was similar to like a Mudslide recipe. I wouldn’t order it at a bar, but it was great after dinner at the restaurant when I was in the mood for dessert lol.
18 Jun 2007 at 7:26 am 24. Mark Parry
Oh, I loved the one about educated bartenders. I tend bar at private parties. I’ve tended several events with one other fellow, Scott, who happens to be a fifth grade teacher. We were tending at a fundraiser event at a private Catholic school. A woman (the principal of the school as it turned out was standing at the bear bemoaning the fact that they were having trouble filling some teaching positions. Scott piped up asking a few questions about the position. This lady in a pretty condescending tone asked if he knew anyone with the appropriate qualifications. When he said he had them you could hear her eyes rolling back in her head. They rolled back into position fast enough when he told her he’d been teaching fifth grade for years, had undergraduate and graduate degrees, certificates, experience as interim principal of a school, etc, etc. She finished up bay asking him to apply. When she was out of earshot I asked him if he’s apply and he smiled and said that he wouldn’t because they couldn’t afford him (public schools pay better generally than private, apparently).
18 Jun 2007 at 11:26 am 25. Jeffrey
Mark
Classic! We should all know better than to judge a book by its cover, on both sides of the bar!
19 Jun 2007 at 6:23 am 26. Ali B
i find that hangovers have three components…
the quality. (it’s better to spend an extra two dollars on top shelf, rather than antacids and mineral water.)
the amount of sugar. (a gin and tonic compared to an “apple martini”.)
and most definitely keeping properly hydrated.
24 Jun 2007 at 2:17 pm 27. Jason Edwards
The uneducated bartender myth must be a world wide one. I hold a BSc in Anatomy and human biology, but yes i do work behind a bar. With several hundreds of different ales coming through each with different flavours their is a lot to learn and know from the brewing to conditioning and serving.
Why is drinks knowledge less valuable than peoples opinions on classic literature. I know which i’d rather listen to.
25 Jun 2007 at 1:57 pm 28. Jeffrey
Amen, Jason! My A.S. in Physics and my BS in Interior Architecture salute you!
18 Jul 2007 at 6:36 am 29. Joshua A.
Great post. As a bartender that does have respect for alcohol and its history, I still did not know a couple of those things.
I will have to disagree with your assessment of hangovers though. Although you are correct that the majority of the time hangovers are caused by dehydration, the sulfites in red wine will cause hangovers even without dehydration, even more so if the subject IS dehydrated.
30 Jul 2007 at 1:50 pm 30. Jeff
I stumbled on your website today and I have to say that I’ve really enjoyed a lot of what you have on here. It’s nice to see things written from a real bartender’s point of view.
I do have to disagree with you on the comment about flair bartending. Anyone who is serious about it does everything in their power to keep from spilling. In fact, at flair competitions, you get blasted on points for spilling. I see more spilling at bars everyday due to sloppy pouring, improper cuts and poor use of a jigger. Just check out how full their bar mats are.
While there are a lot of people out there who goof around with flair and give it a bad name, there are just as many so called “mixologists” who can’t make drinks unless they contain Malibu, Midori, Chambord or grenadine. Flair is not juggling, it is about adding style and entertainment while making a great drink. Check out the Flair Bartenders Association (barflair.org) for more info.
Keep up the good work.
06 Sep 2007 at 9:03 pm 31. Bariatric Brat
I tended bar for three years in Japan, just after I realized that my Ph.D in psychology wasn’t what I actually wanted to do with my life. At least it came in handy when dealing with difficult customers!
10 Sep 2007 at 1:53 am 32. giantfunbags
Nice post, witty and informative. I have to disagree with you though on #6. It may not have been every night, but I went home with plenty of different women while I was tending bar. Often, it was the woman sitting alone at the end of the bar. Oh, and by the way, I have two B.S. degrees and now run my own business. So, to all of you rookie tenders out there, you probably will get laid. That goes for both genders.
15 Sep 2007 at 4:21 pm 33. Erik
I just made a Mojito for my wife using your recipe and she loved it. Thanks!
I did add a couple of drops of Angostura bitters, but I’ll probably leave that out next time.
I’m an amateur, but when mixing at home I prefer to measure carefully because I figure if you’re not worried about getting the proportions right, you’re probably just drinking for effect.
I’m a Martini snob, and wholeheartedly support your definition. I don’t have anything against those other drinks (though I don’t care to drink them), they’re just not Martinis. Anyway, keep up the good work.
17 Sep 2007 at 3:56 am 34. Jeffrey
Thanks, Erik. I had a group of young bartenders in hysterics this weekend as they sat at the bar and watched me measure out lemon juice.
“Is your boss really so paranoid that you have to measure out the mixers!?”
I just sighed.
01 Oct 2007 at 11:13 am 35. Gina
The confusion around Amaretto may arise from the fact that almonds and apricots are both “drupes” (aka “stone fruits”) and are relatively close kin to each other from a taxonomic perspective.
Ok, that’s probably not the source of confusion…but it’s interesting, right?
01 Oct 2007 at 6:56 pm 36. Jeffrey
Yeah, probably not the *source* of the confusion, but still great information, Gina!
02 Nov 2007 at 8:15 am 37. Tim
Number 5 seems to happen allot. I have a friend that put himself through 6 years of college and paid for it all by bartending. Even after he graduated from college, he’s still a bartender because he likes the work. Since he’s an excellent bartender, and often falls into item 7, he makes quite a bit of money. Perhaps number 11 on your list could be, “Don’t ask me to bartend at the party you invited me to as a guest.”, I know that is one that really bugs him.
02 Nov 2007 at 3:33 pm 38. Cameron Hollis
Great, great site. Very impressed. Been a long time since I’ve been into your bar to get an ice cold Kirin. See you soon.
03 Nov 2007 at 12:28 am 39. Brian
I was a bartender for many years, I’ve been through several levels of bartending, from simple setups, to four star dining. I loved it, I’d still do it if I didn’t need to worry about insurance. I’ve dealt with each and every one of those myths, and when I’ve been asked why I still tend bar, I give them this spiel about how bartending is equal parts art, chemistry, psychology and entertainment, but the truth is, I just like making cool drinks for great people. Not to mention, Old Fashioneds are fun to make.
14 Nov 2007 at 10:42 am 40. Cameron Bogue
Bartending in vegas’ busy nightclubs, customers come from all over the world and bing with them regional drinks they think we should know. When some one asks for and australian jumping koala, I would confidently ask “is that the red one or blue one?”. Continue to mix some vile slurry that i would pour into shot glass, charge them $12 a drink and move to a customer with a rational order.
21 Nov 2007 at 9:58 pm 41. Sammy
I always have loved amaretto, and now I know more about it! Thanks!
30 Nov 2007 at 6:01 am 42. ND
Hi! As far as I know, there’s kind of a “kernel” on the inside of stone fruit like peaches and apricots, which is called a “bitter almond”, and is used for making Amaretto, as well as Orgeat syrup. Maybe this is where the confusion comes in. Interestingly, cyanide (reportedly) has a sweet almond smell, and if you eat enough of these bitter almonds (like maybe 2 cups of them?), the cyanide will kill you… wish these “tini” guys would invent a “Cyanide Martini”
30 Nov 2007 at 9:52 am 43. ND
Whoah, wait a minute! This has some serious potential! Even though I’m a bit of a purist (a real martini has gin—NOT Vodka ((kangaroo))—vermouth and orange bitters as far as I’m concerned), there’s kind of a crisp, mysterious sound to “Cyanide Martini”. How about this: a nice cheap sharp gin (Gordon’s maybe), with Amaretto (it would probably have to be quite a stiff mix, like 5:1 or less) and seasoned with aromatic or Peychaud’s bitters perhaps…
You’re all going to be ordering Cyanide Martinis off the “Martini Menu” someday soon… let it be known that I am their proud pappy!!!!
03 Dec 2007 at 2:06 pm 44. JimR
Man, the is all true! I bartended my way through college, and loved every minute. I moved on, but when I get over my office job, I’m hoping some nice bar somewhere will have need for a part time old guy who loves to tend bar, meet new people, and make great drinks. No matter what people name them.
09 Dec 2007 at 4:55 pm 45. Sarah
Almonds are in the same family as peaches. So a peach pit is alot the same as an almond, and the confusion makes alot of sense.
14 Dec 2007 at 1:25 pm 46. Angus
I have to say that #8 really made me laugh. At a bar I used to work at in Olympia, WA, we had a very popular, cute, female bartender who liked to make up drinks on the spot and name them. Of course, the bartenders at the other four stations ended up looking like idiots when the customers later came to us and asked for a “Rascally Rabbit”.
I do have to disagree with your first point, though. Amaretto IS an almond liqueur. The chemical that gives bitter almonds their flavor is benzaldehyde. The exact same chemical is found in higher concentrations in the pits of peaches and apricots, as well as cherries. “Natural Almond” extract is made from the pits of apricots, but it is allowed to be sold as natural almond extract because the chemical is exactly the same and it is from a “natural” source. Amarettos, including those from Saronno, were originally made with bitter almonds. The makers later switched to using apricot or peach pits because they were cheaper, and they had a much higher concentration of benzaldehyde, so they could save some money but get the EXACT same flavor (since all molecules of benzaldehyde are identical regardless of their source). The fact that the benzaldehyde in most amarettos (but not all–there are some that still use almonds) comes from apricot pits rather than almonds is beside the point…amaretto is an ALMOND FLAVORED liqueur. You and I may know that it doesn’t contain any actual almonds, but I don’t think we can say that the people who call amaretto an almond liqueur are wrong.
20 Dec 2007 at 10:22 am 47. Roger
What is the difference between expensive vodka and cheap vodka as I can’t see how you can vary the quality of the alcohol.
02 Jan 2008 at 9:35 pm 48. Stefanie
I LOVE your blog and your myths were spot on. I will get a little geeked out with you for a second because your #10 is mostly true but slightly unfinished. You CAN get a headache from “mixing” and not having an awful lot to drink. This happens because of the sugars used in different spirits, artificial mixers some bars and cordials use and even mixtures natural fermented sugar sources used to create the spirits. By consuming to many diverse sources of sugar your body can get overloaded with a sugar headache that can has little to do with the alcohol consumed. From one nerd to another with love and respect. Cheers!
02 Jan 2008 at 9:42 pm 49. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Okay, okay, you’re totally right, Stephanie. I was trying to keep it simple, but it looks as if I’ve met my match!
What I was trying to suggest with #10 was that the most simple act of combining alcohols won’t, by itself, give one a hangover.
But you knew that
12 Jan 2008 at 4:50 pm 50. Dave Yeager
I loved almost all of what you had say. About the whole martini thing you are absolutely correct. As we know, at one time if you simply added an onion instead of an olive you had to qualify it as a gibson. However, as a long time bartender and a passionate lover of the classic cocktail, I love anything that makes young bartenders explore and create. And lets face it, the current “martini” craze has caused more new cocktails made than ever before. It has been a large portion of the fuel behind the flavored vodka and rum craze. Which to me are simply more colors on the palette for me to make my art. It took me about 10 years of bartending before I could watch a young sap bartender shake a Manhattan, set the chalky thing in front of me and me drink it without explaining to them that you never shake sweet vermouth. So in closing I will say that in the same society where white zinfandel is called wine and bud light is called Beer. I guess some sugar rimmed blue cocktail with a gummy fish floating in it can be called a martini. After all ignorance is bliss and most bar customers could care less what is proper, just what tastes good to them.
16 Jan 2008 at 10:00 pm 51. Adam
As a chemical engineer working for burnetts in kentucky, i assure you that you are so so wrong about the difference between gin and vodka. grow up. you are not smarter than the average human so quit acting like you know more than anyone else.
17 Jan 2008 at 1:29 am 52. nd
@Adam: please either qualify that statement, or else shut the f*ck up
17 Jan 2008 at 9:02 am 53. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Adam, I would be really curious to hear how the following statement is so wrong:
Please. Enlighten us all.
17 Jan 2008 at 3:31 pm 54. Dave Yeager
Adam,
Hate to bust your bubble but Jeff is correct. Gin is the original flavored grain neutral spirit.
For those interested in learning more check out
Gin Is Vodka, Only Better
Talking with a master gin distiller
at http://www.chow.com/stories/10487
I may have spent the last 20 years working as one of those “low intelligence” bartenders but I could spend an hour to qualifying this. However I am assuming your the same guy that would argue Jack Daniels is a Bourbon.
And lets face it, the Burnett’s product speaks volumes for the capabilities of the chemical engineers.
17 Jan 2008 at 4:32 pm 55. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Dave, “Adam” is no more of a chemical engineer than I am, he/she is just a student at Colorado State.
And while I’m not the biggest fan of Burnett’s, it is made by the fine folks at Heaven Hill Distillery, many of their products of which I have enjoyed over the years.
17 Jan 2008 at 6:11 pm 56. Dave Yeager
I never assumed he truly was employed in the industry. (i.e the JD comment) I should have been more clear. My point was that if you were to say you were employed by a distillery, do not choose a well.
I never meant any direct disrespect to the distillery. I am sure they also know Burnett’s is a sub-par alcohol line. That is why they price it as they do. At the same time… In college I owe many a hangover to Whalers Rum and I sell the bejesus out of PAMA in my bar today. It is in my opinion the best pomegranate liqueur I have found.
You can make some some great martinis with it. LOL
28 Jan 2008 at 7:17 pm 57. Yvette Astudillo
haha. I have to say Jeff, I agree with you immensly !! One night I had a female patron order a Amaretto Sour and asked me what kind of liquor was in a Amaretto Sour!! I seriously thought she was pulling my leg. I said your kidding right? She replied, no really what’s in it?! (umm.. Amaretto maybe). In addition, people do think we are a walking data base lol and if we don’t know it they think we don’t know our sh**. As far as for # 6, I love to bartend & have been in the industry for 7 years now. I am a single women and acquire phone numbers almost every night but at the end of the night I always end up going home to my puppy:-D due to leaving work(the bar) so late, but I wouldn’t change any of it love my job!!
P.S. I great website good job hun!!
02 Feb 2008 at 7:48 am 58. nd
Sorry for flaming you like that, Adam. ROUGH week at work… (15 hours a day, and I’m not even a bleedin’ bartender!). Go ahead and delete my post from 17/01, mr moderator.
02 Feb 2008 at 11:17 am 59. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Enh, he/she can take it. I’m going to allow it.
02 Feb 2008 at 1:08 pm 60. Dave Yeager
Hey Jeff,
I just thought you might get a kick out of this. One of my younger bartenders was having an after bar at his house last night. So once I was finally able to get away at about 3:30 (I would love to get off at 2) I grabbed a Case of Guinness and a case of Bass thinking that some black and tans would be good.
So I arrive at the party and soon see a familiar lady and we are talking as I unpack my Guinness Tulips and begin layering my favorite beverage and offer her one. She tells me that she does not like dark beer so I offer her a Bass and she accepts.
I notice about half an hour later that she has barely drank her beer and I ask her if she likes it. Her response; “I do not mean to be a beer snob but, I really can’t drink any beer cheaper than natty light.”
I smile and let her know that I had seen some bud select in the fridge. She apologizes as she climbs her social ladder and enjoys her can of Select.
03 Feb 2008 at 11:04 pm 61. yvette
ahhh haha ha
To dave,
that is too funny!
05 Feb 2008 at 1:20 am 62. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Dave, it just goes to show: there’s something out there for everyone.
Right?
08 Feb 2008 at 6:27 am 63. jnelli
just wanted to say this a great website!!!! im an amatuer bartender and while i can mix fairly well, it never ceases to amaze me at what a customer will come up with and how ignorant they try to make u feel if u dont know what it is or how to make it. what most dont understand is theres a huge difference between shaken,stirred,layered and so forth. in my job( im the asst. manager of an established resteraunt)all managers are required to bartend from time to time, i actually had one of my shift managers tell me she made a whiskey sour with ameretto and margarita mix!!!!!! and here i thought how ignorance is abunant in this industry not just form the clientel but from the actual mixers!!!! on top of that she actually called me at home to ask how to make an Long Island!!! this lady freqents bars on a regular basis and i wonder does she even know what shes drinking herself?
08 Feb 2008 at 9:12 am 64. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
jnelli, this amaretto and Margarita mix concoction sounds absolutely horrific.
Thanks for sharing!
11 Feb 2008 at 10:00 am 65. Khi
I have a question about point number 10, I was always given to believe that alcohols that were distilled in pot stills, as opposed to column still, would contain more of the alcohol family, esters and so forth, this is why they generally had a finer, rounder and often just better flavour. Is this not true? The same with hard ciders, because of the makeup of the apple and the traditional way they are brewed they contain methyl as well as ehthyl alcohols. Am I being really stupid and just not getting the chemistry?
Sorry if I’m being really naive.
13 Feb 2008 at 11:01 am 66. Sylvie
Just a note on fighting the “martini” ignorance. I’m 24; I began bartending when the stupids were already reigning. When customers order a martini at my bar, I ask “gin or vodka?” and they give this blank stare before replying for the latter, as if they’d never even heard of the former. Or, they’ll ask for a glass of “Pinot,” without the important specification of “grigio” or “noir.” Worst of all are people who don’t know that “zinfandel” is the grape, and indeed, it’s red.
So here’s my point: why give in to the erroneous orders of ignorant customers? “Straight Up” is not one thing. I’ve found that people appreciate being educated as to how to order their drink, and those of us who are “old school” give a sigh of relief when the professional in charge of our beloved cocktails know what the hell we’re talking about and what they’re doing. If I order an Old Fashioned and you don’t have oranges, I don’t want 10 marascino cherries instead, damnit.
So here’s to being educated and expert in our profession.
21 Feb 2008 at 8:43 am 67. Michaelg
I’m sorry, Jeffrey, but I have to disagree on the hangover issue from personal experience of over 20 years of drinking. When I stick with one thing, be it Jack Daniels, beer, wine, tequila, etc. I usually avoid hangovers - even if it’s 8 shots of bourbon. But when I mix a cocktail, and couple of glasses of wine, and finish with a beer, I feel dead the next day. I’m just one person, but it’s clearly true that mixing makes it worse the next day for me.
21 Feb 2008 at 8:44 pm 68. Amy
Dude this shit is hilarious. It is now my personal goal to come to your bar all the way from OK just to order a Woodpecker Martini!
28 Feb 2008 at 10:34 am 69. Kyle
In regards to what causes a hangover….
The headache and a vast majority of the other issues related to a hang over is merely due to dehydration. Alcohol throws off the hypothalmus which is the regulatory center of the brain, that coupled with the massive ammounts of liquid intake causes you to …well.. piss alot. You are made of water, when you get rid of it, you don’t work right. Plain and simple. My best advice, before you go to bed, drink a big glass of water. Your head will thank you the next day.
01 Apr 2008 at 5:25 pm 70. Marcelo
Hahahaha the “woodpecker” drink…
What gets me everytime is when the placed is packed, music blasting we are 5 deep scrambling not to drown and some guy comes up and asks “uumm…what type of beer do you have?”…
06 May 2008 at 3:08 pm 71. Tiare
Great post as usual. The Woodpecker cracked me up..
Nice that you took up no 4.
16 May 2008 at 1:16 am 72. Claym
I think number 6 is the best, when it is all said and done, when everything is cleaned put away, organized, and ready for the first day, I’d be happy with someone to have a drink and unwind with, too bad, everyone is asleep.
25 May 2008 at 4:07 pm 73. Mike
I just have to chime in on the hangover issue. Dehydration is a big part of it, but a major factor is also vitamin B complex deficiency. Getting drunk drains you of fluids and vitamin B. Yeast happens to be full of vitamin B and unfiltered beer is full of yeast. Ergo, getting wasted on unfiltered or bottle conditioned beer will result in far less of a hangover than hard alcohol or cheap mass produced beer. That’s my .02. Great blog.
27 May 2008 at 10:29 pm 74. April Chapman
I have a question. I was of the impression that the bitters made the martini and not neccessarily the garniture. Although, I suppose it can be served castrato. Are bitters not a part of the essential elements? Would love to know what you think. Cheers.
28 May 2008 at 11:51 am 75. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Thanks, Mike.
April: Sadly, orange bitters are no longer part of the modern dry martini, so wouldn’t say that they’re part of the essential elements. And personally, I believe a martini sans garnish is still a martini, though I do prefer a lemon twist - even if it’s discarded after expressing the oils on the surface.
28 May 2008 at 9:47 pm 76. earache
A few years back I was at an unfamiliar bar that was so dark I couldn’t read the bottles on display. It was early in the evening and slow, so I asked the bartender what potato vodkas they had. She smirked and informed me that “all vodka is made from potatoes.” I tried to enlighten her in a polite way, but she was having none of it.
I’ve always felt like potato vodka was somehow “cleaner,” but no doubt that isn’t necessarily true. It does seem like being stored at such high proof would get rid of any particular flavor from the potatoes. So what’s the real story?
And yes, I love your blog — just discovered it via Make’s link to your tonic recipe.
29 May 2008 at 11:06 am 77. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
That’s a big source of debate, and while the liquor companies will tell you that it makes a huge difference wether the neutral spirits come from potatoes, grapes, wheat, beets, rye, etc., I’m going to tell you that with 95% of the base material being pure alcohol, and the other 5% being comprised of water and impurities, I certainly couldn’t tell the difference in a blind test.
Where vodka really gets its defining character, in my opinion, is when they cut that 95% pure alcohol with water in order to turn it in to vodka. The pH and minerals found in said water are going to provide a lot more for the palate to work with.
But that’s just my $.02. Welcome to the site.
05 Aug 2008 at 7:31 am 78. Sergio
Pro flair bartender-I don’t know how familiar you are with flair bartending, what I do know is that flair is not for everyone(like you for example). Flair takes a lot of time to perfect, you have to practice almost everyday for 1 to 3 hours if you want to be good at it. Maybe you saw a flair bartender that was just starting out, spilling alcohol all over flair, as I have seen many non-flair veteran bartenders that have an uncomfortable look about them when they are working. A major benefit that is often overlooked is you ability to bartend when you are not flairing. What I mean by that is the fluidity and grace that you will aquire form flair bartending. A bartender who is profecient in flair is going to have a smooth and controlled way about he has a bottle in his hand. As an experienced flair bartender I can tell that I would never do a trick behind the bar that I feel uncomfortable with and spill alcohol, I know that there are many so called “flair bartenders” that don’t have any idea of what they are doing.
Another benefit of flair bartending is that adds another dimension to your arsenal of assets. the more you have to offer to a future employer the more likely it will be that you land that job.
Now, let’s talk about money, a real flair bartender is simple a lot more impressive to the customer. More impressive means more tips.
Well it’s time to go, have to get ready to work at Hard Rock Cafe in Hollywood, Florida. By the way, I wouldn’t be there if I wasn’t a flai bartender.
05 Aug 2008 at 12:10 pm 79. Sylvie
I won’t get into whether or not flair bartending is a worthwhile endeavor, but I will contend your statement that a flair bartender is more impressive to a customer. As a bartender AND a customer, I’m mostly impressed by a quality drink, made with care and precision. Second to that is a bartender who can interact with me, without being obnoxious, chatty, or rude. Neither of those elements come into play with flair, so far as I’ve ever seen.
There is definitely an entertainment factor in flair bartending and customers who are into that - and bartenders who want to perform in this way - are welcome to franchise. But, to me, bartending is an art of mixology, not an acrobatic display, and I’ll stick to the “wise old barkeep” school.
Now, I must also go to work at the Hudson Waterfront, where I also would not be… were I a flair bartender.