One advantage I have in my career – and believe me, I thank my lucky stars every day for my good fortune in this regard – is that I travel a lot. And when I do travel, I get to visit the greatest bars in the world and spend time picking the brains of the world’s greatest bartenders.
The most recent drink to grace our cocktail list is the result of my travels.
Taking inspiration from many sources, my initial interest in bitter, sour and sweet with a distinctly tropical bent was taken directly from the ever-brilliant Giuseppe Gonzalez and his now-famous Trinidad Sour.
While I, and the rest of the world, was taken by the combination of bitter, herbal, sweet flavors, it never really struck me as a an extensible sort of drink style until I came across Andrew Bohrer’s amaro-based Mai Tai variation called the “Elena’s Virtue”. Now here was a drink with legs, and a hint of what was to come in the world of cocktails, in my humble opinion.
But what New York and Seattle do well, San Francisco often does better, and usually with a lot more Fernet Branca, and that’s the conversation I had with Josh Harris while competing in the Domaine de Canton finals in St. Maarten this spring. And after tasting his simple concoction of ginger liqueur, pineapple and Fernet Branca I knew it was time for me to get my feet wet and try my hand at the herbal tropical sour.
The result has been a smash hit at the bar, as it very much follows in the style of our restaurant bar, a reflection of the crafted European style of cooking that emerges from the kitchen on a nightly basis. In other words, earthy, sour, herbal flavors do very, very well where we work.
Put all of this together, throw in a desire to explore the dusty, neglected bottle of Drambuie, and an early morning racking one’s brain to come up with a drink name (the original intent was Brixton Club) and a star was born:
Kingston Club
1½ oz Drambuie
1½ oz pineapple juice
¾ oz lime juice
1 tsp Fernet Branca
3 dashes Angostura bitters
Shake ingredients with ice and finish with 1 oz soda water. Strain mix over fresh ice into a chilled collins glass and garnish with an orange twist.
A side project, an experiment or just a simple curiosity that turned into a delicious phenomenon that we're still serving to much delight at our bar, barrel aged cocktails explore the gentle manipulation of a drink's flavors over time. This post details the inspiration, the history and the methods behind my barrel aged cocktails.
My problem with homemade tonic water has always been a flavor profile that was too esoteric for the general audience. This recipe takes some of the positive qualities people have come to understand from commercial tonic water and updated them with fresh ingredients.
Turned off by the glop you find in the grocery store, and unable to endure another long egg and cream whipping session, I set out to build an egg nog recipe from the ground up that retained the character of the orginal formula, was easy to make in a few minutes at home or at the bar, and tasted absolutely delicious. See if you agree with the result.
One question I'm often asked is "Do you have any drink-related book recommendations?" Well, funny you should ask, I've compiled a list of the ten books every professional bartender or home mixologist should own. I keep every one of these close at hand and have read most of them several times. I suggest you do the same.
The problem with living in Oregon is the absence of little wooden shacks by the sea that sell cases of fresh ginger beer stacked on back porches. But with some readily-available ingredients, a recipe I've been revising for several years - and a few free minutes - I can easily transport myself to a little fishing boat on the ocean as I sip a Dark and Stormy made with fresh, house-made ginger beer.
It's always mojito season somewhere, so this advice is timely in your area about half the year. Wether you're making them or simply enjoying them, this advice will help you look like a pro in no time at all.
The flavors of the Richmond Gimlet are imbued with sunshine. Fresh mint mingling with the herbaceousness of gin and the tartness of lime have made this drink a Eugene classic for many years now.
You'll get a lot of snarky advice on this site about how to make a proper drink, but if you ever need to know what not to do, this is the video for you.
Not to be confused with the Spanish wine-and-fruit-based alcoholic beverage sangria, sangrita (meaning "little blood") is a traditional accompaniment to a tequila served completo; a non-alcoholic sipper that cleanses the palate between fiery doses of agave.
The world of booze can be mystifying to people that don't work in bars or around alcohol all the time. I hear a lot of assumptions about the industry I'm in that are - much like 90% of what you hear in bars - completely false. Here are a few you've probably heard yourself.
The traditional garnish for a Pisco Sour is a couple of drops of bitters in the foam, but I've never been particularly impressed with the way these few paltry drops of bitters sat in their little egg-white mattress and didn't play along with the rest of the drink. I envisioned a Pisco Sour with a uniformly-distributed bitters-scorched foam: slightly crisp as the fire burnt the sugars, and slightly warm as the foam insulated the rest of the frosty cocktail from the heat. A pisco creme brulée in a glass!
I get so many visitors looking for tips on how to write a bartending resume that I thought I should finally post a tutorial on how to write your own. Click the headline to read more.
I always love showing up to a party with a gallon jug of pre-mixed margaritas, so I've decided to share my recipe. This margarita recipe is the perfect blend of strong, sweet, and sour. But be warned: this recipe packs a serious punch.
There isn't much I can say about this video that hasn't been said already. If you've read anything I've written about cocktails, you'll understand why this video symbolizes everything wrong with the state of bartending in America today. Watch and learn, but be warned: this one isn't for the feint of heart.
About Me
My name is Jeff Morgenthaler and I'm the head bartender at Clyde Common in Portland, Oregon.
I've been tending bar since 1996 and writing about it since 2004. Mixing drinks has become something of a passion for me in recent years, and I strive to elevate the experience of having a drink from something mundane to something more culinary.
The writing I do here is intended as a work in progress. My recipes are like my opinions: they are constantly being revised and refined as I work them through my mind and my fingers. Comments and participation are encouraged, so please don't feel the need to tread lightly here.
This appalling affront to the craft that so many of us have worked hard trying to restore over the past fifteen-plus years has been making the rounds on Twitter, but I thought I’d share it here with all of you. Browse at your own risk, my advice is to keep a bucket handy.
1. The Avatar: “…the citrus vodka honors that beautiful tree of life.” – I’m not sure how citrus vodka honors much of anything other than a can of Red Bull.
2. The Blind Side: “When her son wins the football game, God bless, she gets to go home and have her cocktail.” – With a whopping 2¼ ounces of half-and-half on top of that Irish Cream, you’ll look like Sandra Bullock in no time.
3. District 9: ”Like the movie, this drink is a little gritty.” – Enough said.
4. An Education: “Grand Marnier is sophisticated and it kind of goes with the theme of the art galleries and the different places that he took her that really wooed her.” – I don’t know what the Blueberry Smirnoff is a reference to, but I’m guessing it’s underage drinking.
5. The Hurt Locker: – “I did not see this movie — but I saw all of the big bombs and the car blow-ups.” – As someone who creates cocktails from time to time, I’m not sure I’d want to admit this to the people writing my check.
6. A Serious Man: “With a little bit of bitters and some pineapple juice to top it off, this is a beautiful, masculine drink. Or a very sexy woman’s drink.” – Either, or. You pick.
7. Up in the Air: “There are so many jobless people right now that I should come up with a cocktail to suit them. But this [is a drink] for George Clooney.” – I should really… enh, fuck it. Here, George Clooney, drink this.
8. Precious: “There’s so much abuse and violence in this movie. I think that any adult who watches that movie should have a cocktail.” – You know what dulls the pain of watching a young girl being abused on your 52″ flat-screen TV? A Chi-Chi with a squeeze of lime.
9. Up: ”The half-and-half and the milk are supposed to represent the beautiful fluffy clouds and the sky.” – If you haven’t started dry-heaving at the thought of two types of dairy products shaken with Sambuca and Tanqueray gin at this point, my hat is off to you.
10. Inglourious Basterds: “The garnish is not very guy-y. But the gin definitely makes this a guy’s drink.” – The only reasonable drink in the lot, a modified Negroni with a splash of orange juice, smudged by the term ‘guy-y’. If anyone needs me, I’ll be cutting my genitalia off with a rusty steak knife and burning my website to the ground.
Comments
46 Responses to “How to Vomit on Your Keyboard Ten Different Ways”
I’m laughing, but it’s to avoid the pain. I’ve had that one for the Hurt Locker though, 20 years ago in Tiajuana. I was 12 and extra stupid.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:32 AM 6. Chad
I wonder what she is making for “Best Grip” and “Best Soundtrack.” Well I know at least a starting point for a new cocktail book, “101 Crappy Cocktails and Who Cares if They Taste Good.” Maybe she can write the forward.
She routinely makes it onto Cake Wrecks for her ridiculous cake advice. This makes me thinks there should be a cocktail wrecks site. Although I suppose awful drinks aren’t usually so visually spectacular.
05 Mar 2010 at 11:34 AM 10. Paulo
To paraphrase “Grease”:
Look at me, I’m Sandra Lee/
Lousy with mixology.
Can’t make a drink/
Without causing a stink/
I can’t, I’m Sandra Lee…
Oh that is hideous! She made my shaker parts feel awful and now I want to punch my dog in the face.
Why lady, why?!? Why would you do that to this adorable little puppy?!?
05 Mar 2010 at 2:53 PM 12. Jefferson
This is the same critter who did ads for KFC and said she loved the grilled “chicken”. It’s probably not true, but it might explain a palate as dead as the look on her face.
No.9 Up cocktail sounds really disgusting! The drain in your bar’s drip pan taste better than that.
05 Mar 2010 at 5:19 PM 14. Jordan
Here’s my question: did she actually try any of these abominations? If so, does she have any remaining tastebuds?
05 Mar 2010 at 8:13 PM 15. TopherTino
Wow….it’s not that I expect more from her, ’cause I don’t, but this definitely is detrimental to the progression of cocktails. Way too many folks think that these “mixed drinks” they get are really what true cocktails are. (E.g. I had a friend under the impression that a Bellini uses Peach Snapple….’nough said). I’m really over it, but keep your rusty steak knife I’ll just take Suzy Cocktailmaker’s Negroni sans the bullshitry modifications.
06 Mar 2010 at 1:06 AM 16. T Best
Christ, is that what passes for journalism these days? Seriously pre-school quality. Where’s a sub-editor when you need one…
Having said that, this woman seems to have built her career on cutting corners, and generally using unauthentic crap formulas; it doesn’t fill me with surprise that her journalism and cocktails should be any different.
It seems anyone who buys her publications probably deserves whatever they get.
I can’t believe you made no real comment on the Hurt Locker cocktail. JC Especial added to a nartsy-lookin’ michelada? That honestly made me more queasy than both her narrative AND that Sandra Bullock cocktail. Oof.
06 Mar 2010 at 5:26 PM 18. evilbusdriver
This is like those bartending school videos you put up. You try to not look, then you do and immediately regret it.
06 Mar 2010 at 11:44 PM 19. Jack Tiano
I think you guys are being a little harsh. I mean, sure, the drinks would be better with more high quality premixes and a lazier shake, but c’mon, she’s a broad.
07 Mar 2010 at 10:40 AM 20. Tokyo Tea
If any of you watch the food networks (Food or FLN)you have to acknowledge that these trainwreck cocktails are common occurence. Ever watch Guy’s big bite for example? Not that I would expect anything quality from a barkeep with bleach spiked hair and a wristband (your service permit should automatically be revoked if you are a bartender wearing a wristband)
07 Mar 2010 at 10:48 PM 21. Jessica Roberts
I don’t know Sandra Lee but maybe we shouldn’t be making fun of someone who is clearly a couple eggs short of a dozen.
08 Mar 2010 at 5:16 AM 22. snb farmer
If a chaser is supposed to be served on the side how do you fill a chilled tall glass with 1oz of Tequila and a splash of tomato juice? It doesn’t say the beer goes in the glass (Hurt Locker). Lots of pineapple juice here who would think pineapple juice could improve an old fashioned?
What a shit show! Everything I can ever remember this woman creating makes me want to vom. Blue curacao doesn’t belong anywhere near a cocktail…the blessing comes in disguise here; all this fucking hysterical commentary, thank you, Jeffrey!
Wow, you guys are harsh. Who cares about her mixing citrus vodka or blue curacao – that is her gimmick and she’s quite good at it. She was raised in poverty and mothered her four younger siblings when she was only 11 years old. She’s achieved remarkable success regardless of the card that was dealt to her in life. I personally don’t care much for her recipes and tablescapes – however I do have a lot of admiration and respect for a self-made woman. I don’t have to love her drinks – it really isn’t the point.
15 Mar 2010 at 7:16 PM 32. Mark
I’m confused. Cocktails aside…
1. A grownup wrote all that crap?
2. She has problems with the abuse in Precious but not a peep about Inglorious Basterds? Mr. Head, meet Mr. Baseball Bat. Mr. Baseball Bat met Mr. Head.
3. She gets paid for this?
Dear God, my life truly has lost all meaning. And I’m out of Rye.
15 Mar 2010 at 10:44 PM 33. AK
“Who cares about her mixing citrus vodka or blue curacao – that is her gimmick and she’s quite good at it. She was raised in poverty and mothered her four younger siblings when she was only 11 years old. She’s achieved remarkable success regardless of the card that was dealt to her in life.”
Her gimmick is making tripe, not coming up from poverty. If she wanted to sell me her inspiring story of determination and loyalty I might be alright with it, but the tripe she peddles should be judged for the tripe it is, not for the noble origins from which it sprang.
A compelling backstory cannot give additional worth to inferior food and drink. Food and drink insist on being judged on their merits as such.
16 Mar 2010 at 12:17 PM 34. Tokyo Tea
Wow, Sure is a tough time nowadays being Blue Curacao!
22 Mar 2010 at 12:10 PM 35. Kate
“I don’t have to love her drinks – it really isn’t the point.”
How about this drink:
1 part crazy bitch
2 parts hot boobies
equal parts satan and robot.
Watching the show on mute makes me put on Mastadon or Slayer and drink the blood of a bat. Okay, maybe a little harsh, maybe not. Too bad all you have to do to host a show is be a hot soccer mom and know how to semi-cook box meals and “construct tablescapes” Seriously, who does that shit?
What’s not just unfortunate but absolutely soul crushing about this (besides the stomach curdling ‘recipes’ for ‘cocktails’) is the fact that her fame is a clear sign of the times we live in.
Quality is no longer what people are concerned with and we bartenders along with chefs constantly are forced to compromise. Compromises in terms of flavour and contents. At the bar I work at (linked to) I’ve been asked for cocktails that are low-fat, sugar-free, cool-looking and other ridiculous insults to our craft.
When I walk into a cocktail bar I’m looking for taste, not a diet, an image or something with enough sugar to give a horse a stroke without the benfit of flavour. Getting absoluteley shithoused is just a bonus…
One of the things we as a team at my workplace strive to do is re-introduce people to the classic notion of a cocktail. Take people out of their comfort zone, put the goddamned Midori down, serve them what must be absolutely disgusting because it wasn’t featured on Sex & the City and more often than not you’ll have gotten yourself a convert. At least for the night.
We can bitch and moan as much as we like (I do it, a lot.) but we also have to do something about it otherwise the near future of our industry will be filled with Midori, Blue Curacao, cheap product and pissweak drinks that are an insult to the hardworking manufacturers of the product actually worth using.
And that’s my self righteous rant of the month done.
Awesome blog, cheers from Melbourne, Australia.
26 May 2010 at 7:23 AM 38. Muss
I remember seeing this list sometime ago, and yes, it’s utterly revolting.
She does a lot of damage to the mixing world. As I think about it, so do 99% of the celeb chefs that attempt making cocktails.
Guy Fieri is as bad if not worse than she is too, especially his technique.
C
10 Jun 2010 at 12:40 PM 40. Andrea
Damage to the mixing world? Sweet jeezus! Try damage to the entire food and drink world.
We should all steer clear of anyone that runs around touting “semi-homemade” anything.
What ever happened to making it all from scratch?
24 Jun 2010 at 12:44 PM 41. mata
Way too funny… Comments even more hilarious! Cheers!
05 Feb 2011 at 3:26 PM 42. Devon Belcher
try doing a google search for “Sandra Lee Kwanzaa Cake”. I’d provide a link here, but part of the fun is coming across all the people responding to her.
28 Feb 2011 at 7:14 AM 43. jeff underwood
This woman kills me. Her attempts at cocktails, much like almost every attempt at a cocktail on Food Network is a disaster. She doesn’t even measure for Christ’s sake! I’ve been known to free-pour on occasion, but she just dumps in stuff straight out of the bottle! My favorite instance of this is when she made some random drink, which was all booze, in which she dumped 3 different liquors, un-chilled, into a giant snifter. And that was it. That was the drink. It was literally 8 to 10 ounces of booze, unchilled and undiluted.
16 Mar 2011 at 4:38 PM 44. Nick
I love the fact that this story still gets hits almost a year later! Such a testament.
21 Jun 2011 at 9:49 AM 45. Jonathan Van Ark
I just like that the link takes you to
ew.com — should be ewwwww.com
but — whatever.
11 Sep 2011 at 11:51 AM 46. The Designer
For those who missed it, check out the comments under each of those drinks, they’re just as harsh as ours.
Now to a serious question, wouldn’t simmering “punch” for 4-6 hours make it devoid of all alcohol?
I absolutely hate it when someone sends me a box full of sex toys in the mail. Sure, it might sound like fun to some of you (you know who you are), but receiving a big box of free sex is much more trouble than it’s worth. Believe me. So I get a [...]
05 Mar 2010 at 9:59 AM 1. Chris
How much do you suppose she was paid for that nonsense?
05 Mar 2010 at 10:18 AM 2. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Whatever it was, I’m guessing it was far too much.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:25 AM 3. Chris W.
Anyone ever notice this woman has the same dead-eyed smile in every single photograph snapped of her? It’s quite unnerving.
Almost as unnerving as her “let’s throw crap together and make it look pretty, taste be damned” approach to the culinary arts.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:26 AM 4. Marvin
You’ll Laugh
You’ll Cry
You’ll throw up in your mouth a little.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:31 AM 5. Rocky
I’m laughing, but it’s to avoid the pain. I’ve had that one for the Hurt Locker though, 20 years ago in Tiajuana. I was 12 and extra stupid.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:32 AM 6. Chad
I wonder what she is making for “Best Grip” and “Best Soundtrack.” Well I know at least a starting point for a new cocktail book, “101 Crappy Cocktails and Who Cares if They Taste Good.” Maybe she can write the forward.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:35 AM 7. Duff
My God, there IS a Hurt Locker drink!
05 Mar 2010 at 10:46 AM 8. Charlie
Even the website say “EW”!
05 Mar 2010 at 10:51 AM 9. Carly
She routinely makes it onto Cake Wrecks for her ridiculous cake advice. This makes me thinks there should be a cocktail wrecks site. Although I suppose awful drinks aren’t usually so visually spectacular.
05 Mar 2010 at 11:34 AM 10. Paulo
To paraphrase “Grease”:
Look at me, I’m Sandra Lee/
Lousy with mixology.
Can’t make a drink/
Without causing a stink/
I can’t, I’m Sandra Lee…
05 Mar 2010 at 12:20 PM 11. RyeGirl
Oh that is hideous! She made my shaker parts feel awful and now I want to punch my dog in the face.
Why lady, why?!? Why would you do that to this adorable little puppy?!?
05 Mar 2010 at 2:53 PM 12. Jefferson
This is the same critter who did ads for KFC and said she loved the grilled “chicken”. It’s probably not true, but it might explain a palate as dead as the look on her face.
05 Mar 2010 at 4:50 PM 13. Ellen Green
No.9 Up cocktail sounds really disgusting! The drain in your bar’s drip pan taste better than that.
05 Mar 2010 at 5:19 PM 14. Jordan
Here’s my question: did she actually try any of these abominations? If so, does she have any remaining tastebuds?
05 Mar 2010 at 8:13 PM 15. TopherTino
Wow….it’s not that I expect more from her, ’cause I don’t, but this definitely is detrimental to the progression of cocktails. Way too many folks think that these “mixed drinks” they get are really what true cocktails are. (E.g. I had a friend under the impression that a Bellini uses Peach Snapple….’nough said). I’m really over it, but keep your rusty steak knife I’ll just take Suzy Cocktailmaker’s Negroni sans the bullshitry modifications.
06 Mar 2010 at 1:06 AM 16. T Best
Christ, is that what passes for journalism these days? Seriously pre-school quality. Where’s a sub-editor when you need one…
Having said that, this woman seems to have built her career on cutting corners, and generally using unauthentic crap formulas; it doesn’t fill me with surprise that her journalism and cocktails should be any different.
It seems anyone who buys her publications probably deserves whatever they get.
06 Mar 2010 at 1:52 PM 17. D.Ronen
I can’t believe you made no real comment on the Hurt Locker cocktail. JC Especial added to a nartsy-lookin’ michelada? That honestly made me more queasy than both her narrative AND that Sandra Bullock cocktail. Oof.
06 Mar 2010 at 5:26 PM 18. evilbusdriver
This is like those bartending school videos you put up. You try to not look, then you do and immediately regret it.
06 Mar 2010 at 11:44 PM 19. Jack Tiano
I think you guys are being a little harsh. I mean, sure, the drinks would be better with more high quality premixes and a lazier shake, but c’mon, she’s a broad.
07 Mar 2010 at 10:40 AM 20. Tokyo Tea
If any of you watch the food networks (Food or FLN)you have to acknowledge that these trainwreck cocktails are common occurence. Ever watch Guy’s big bite for example? Not that I would expect anything quality from a barkeep with bleach spiked hair and a wristband (your service permit should automatically be revoked if you are a bartender wearing a wristband)
07 Mar 2010 at 10:48 PM 21. Jessica Roberts
I don’t know Sandra Lee but maybe we shouldn’t be making fun of someone who is clearly a couple eggs short of a dozen.
08 Mar 2010 at 5:16 AM 22. snb farmer
If a chaser is supposed to be served on the side how do you fill a chilled tall glass with 1oz of Tequila and a splash of tomato juice? It doesn’t say the beer goes in the glass (Hurt Locker). Lots of pineapple juice here who would think pineapple juice could improve an old fashioned?
08 Mar 2010 at 6:26 AM 23. Sam Harrigan
Can’t wait to see the “tablescape” she’s come up with to match this doozy…
09 Mar 2010 at 6:57 AM 24. tk
she seems to agree
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLrNGIbqn0w&feature=player_embedded
10 Mar 2010 at 9:07 AM 25. Mary Sue
But it’s Aunt Sandy! No one’s really taken her seriously since the Kwanzaa cake!
11 Mar 2010 at 3:51 PM 26. lala12
Dear Sandra Lee,
Quit trying to look like Heidi Montag.
Thank you
11 Mar 2010 at 5:00 PM 27. Gonçalo
’semi-homedmade’ ?!
half-unconcsious !?
11 Mar 2010 at 5:41 PM 28. Grant
deep down i really hope she was taking the piss
14 Mar 2010 at 10:16 PM 29. AK
The amount of sambuca in these drinks is peculiar to me, even beyond the general awfulness.
15 Mar 2010 at 11:38 AM 30. Julie
What a shit show! Everything I can ever remember this woman creating makes me want to vom. Blue curacao doesn’t belong anywhere near a cocktail…the blessing comes in disguise here; all this fucking hysterical commentary, thank you, Jeffrey!
15 Mar 2010 at 5:34 PM 31. Columbine Quillen
Wow, you guys are harsh. Who cares about her mixing citrus vodka or blue curacao – that is her gimmick and she’s quite good at it. She was raised in poverty and mothered her four younger siblings when she was only 11 years old. She’s achieved remarkable success regardless of the card that was dealt to her in life. I personally don’t care much for her recipes and tablescapes – however I do have a lot of admiration and respect for a self-made woman. I don’t have to love her drinks – it really isn’t the point.
15 Mar 2010 at 7:16 PM 32. Mark
I’m confused. Cocktails aside…
1. A grownup wrote all that crap?
2. She has problems with the abuse in Precious but not a peep about Inglorious Basterds? Mr. Head, meet Mr. Baseball Bat. Mr. Baseball Bat met Mr. Head.
3. She gets paid for this?
Dear God, my life truly has lost all meaning. And I’m out of Rye.
15 Mar 2010 at 10:44 PM 33. AK
“Who cares about her mixing citrus vodka or blue curacao – that is her gimmick and she’s quite good at it. She was raised in poverty and mothered her four younger siblings when she was only 11 years old. She’s achieved remarkable success regardless of the card that was dealt to her in life.”
Her gimmick is making tripe, not coming up from poverty. If she wanted to sell me her inspiring story of determination and loyalty I might be alright with it, but the tripe she peddles should be judged for the tripe it is, not for the noble origins from which it sprang.
A compelling backstory cannot give additional worth to inferior food and drink. Food and drink insist on being judged on their merits as such.
16 Mar 2010 at 12:17 PM 34. Tokyo Tea
Wow, Sure is a tough time nowadays being Blue Curacao!
22 Mar 2010 at 12:10 PM 35. Kate
“I don’t have to love her drinks – it really isn’t the point.”
Actually, that’s exactly the point.
24 Mar 2010 at 10:28 AM 36. Nick
How about this drink:
1 part crazy bitch
2 parts hot boobies
equal parts satan and robot.
Watching the show on mute makes me put on Mastadon or Slayer and drink the blood of a bat. Okay, maybe a little harsh, maybe not. Too bad all you have to do to host a show is be a hot soccer mom and know how to semi-cook box meals and “construct tablescapes” Seriously, who does that shit?
Thanks for making us feel human Jeff. Keep it up!
Imbibingly yours,
Nick (caskproof)
12 Apr 2010 at 12:40 PM 37. JulianZ
What’s not just unfortunate but absolutely soul crushing about this (besides the stomach curdling ‘recipes’ for ‘cocktails’) is the fact that her fame is a clear sign of the times we live in.
Quality is no longer what people are concerned with and we bartenders along with chefs constantly are forced to compromise. Compromises in terms of flavour and contents. At the bar I work at (linked to) I’ve been asked for cocktails that are low-fat, sugar-free, cool-looking and other ridiculous insults to our craft.
When I walk into a cocktail bar I’m looking for taste, not a diet, an image or something with enough sugar to give a horse a stroke without the benfit of flavour. Getting absoluteley shithoused is just a bonus…
One of the things we as a team at my workplace strive to do is re-introduce people to the classic notion of a cocktail. Take people out of their comfort zone, put the goddamned Midori down, serve them what must be absolutely disgusting because it wasn’t featured on Sex & the City and more often than not you’ll have gotten yourself a convert. At least for the night.
We can bitch and moan as much as we like (I do it, a lot.) but we also have to do something about it otherwise the near future of our industry will be filled with Midori, Blue Curacao, cheap product and pissweak drinks that are an insult to the hardworking manufacturers of the product actually worth using.
And that’s my self righteous rant of the month done.
Awesome blog, cheers from Melbourne, Australia.
26 May 2010 at 7:23 AM 38. Muss
I remember seeing this list sometime ago, and yes, it’s utterly revolting.
07 Jun 2010 at 1:47 PM 39. Chris
She does a lot of damage to the mixing world. As I think about it, so do 99% of the celeb chefs that attempt making cocktails.
Guy Fieri is as bad if not worse than she is too, especially his technique.
C
10 Jun 2010 at 12:40 PM 40. Andrea
Damage to the mixing world? Sweet jeezus! Try damage to the entire food and drink world.
We should all steer clear of anyone that runs around touting “semi-homemade” anything.
What ever happened to making it all from scratch?
24 Jun 2010 at 12:44 PM 41. mata
Way too funny… Comments even more hilarious! Cheers!
05 Feb 2011 at 3:26 PM 42. Devon Belcher
try doing a google search for “Sandra Lee Kwanzaa Cake”. I’d provide a link here, but part of the fun is coming across all the people responding to her.
28 Feb 2011 at 7:14 AM 43. jeff underwood
This woman kills me. Her attempts at cocktails, much like almost every attempt at a cocktail on Food Network is a disaster. She doesn’t even measure for Christ’s sake! I’ve been known to free-pour on occasion, but she just dumps in stuff straight out of the bottle! My favorite instance of this is when she made some random drink, which was all booze, in which she dumped 3 different liquors, un-chilled, into a giant snifter. And that was it. That was the drink. It was literally 8 to 10 ounces of booze, unchilled and undiluted.
16 Mar 2011 at 4:38 PM 44. Nick
I love the fact that this story still gets hits almost a year later! Such a testament.
21 Jun 2011 at 9:49 AM 45. Jonathan Van Ark
I just like that the link takes you to
ew.com — should be ewwwww.com
but — whatever.
11 Sep 2011 at 11:51 AM 46. The Designer
For those who missed it, check out the comments under each of those drinks, they’re just as harsh as ours.
Now to a serious question, wouldn’t simmering “punch” for 4-6 hours make it devoid of all alcohol?