Latest Drink Recipe
In my opinion, one of the greatest triumphs of the cocktail renaissance is the rediscovery of the classic Old Fashioned. I’ve often spoken of how at some point after the repeal of Prohibition, the Old Fashioned became lost and possibly confused with a long-forgotten drink called a Smash (basically a tarted-up Mint Julep covered in fruit), a mere husk of its former, glorious self.
For decades, bartenders just like me served a limp, weak concoction consisting of a half-muddled sugar cube, a mashed-up neon red cherry and orange, a splash of whiskey, and some soda water drowning the results.
With a little luck, and a lot of hard work, that’s all changed with the renewed interest in classic cocktails. Now at any given night at my bar you can find literally a dozen people sipping on two ounces bourbon touched with a teaspoon of sugar and two dashes of bitters, garnished with a simple orange twist over a couple big ice cubes.
But don’t try to pull that bullshit with the good people of the Great State of Wisconsin, where the Brandy Old Fashioned rules supreme. It’s not the same drink as above, it just shares a name. And if you make it right, really right, it’s a damn delicious cocktail and worthy of examination.
Being located in a hotel, we’re used to serving folks from all over the world. And the first time I witnessed a guest from Wisconsin stare blankly as one of my bartenders handed over two ounces of Cognac touched with a teaspoon of sugar and two dashes of bitters and garnished with a simple orange twist over a couple big ice cubes, I knew some further training was in order.
So in the name of making cocktails – all cocktails – with as much of our hearts as we can offer, I present to you what I believe to be the perfect Brandy Old Fashioned… Wisconsin-style.
I start with an old fashioned glass I’ve chilled in the freezer. Call it a tumbler, call it a double rocks glass, or call it a bucket, it’s a glass you’re familiar with. To that I add two dashes of Angostura bitters and a teaspoon of sugar. If I’m in a hurry I use a 2:1 simple syrup, but if I’m going to spend some time, I use a sugar cube. The sugar cube is preferable here because it’s going to add some friction to the muddling we’re about to do. Brace yourselves, cocktail “nerds”.
Next I’ll take a thick-cut orange wedge, and a cherry. The usual suspect here is a grocery store maraschino cherry, but I always choose a brandied Amarena cherry. Remember, you’re going to get out what you put in, so a quality cherry is going to make the drink that much better.
I muddle the sugar, bitters, orange wedge and cherry into a thick paste, careful not to touch the orange peel too much as it’ll bring unwanted bitterness to the party – just work around the peel and pulverize that orange meat.
Your standard Brandy Old Fashioned brandy of choice is Korbel: cheap California brandy. Considering the hundreds of thousands of cases they ship to Wisconsin every year, it might be considered sacrosanct to use anything else. But if you want to do this right, really right, then do yourself a favor and use some good Cognac. I have my preferred brandy, you have yours.
At this point your typical Wisconsinite barkeep is going to add ice and finish the drink in one of two main ways: sweet or sour. Those who take it sweet will ask for a splash of Sprite or 7-Up, those who take it sour get a dose of Collins Mix or Squirt. To me, it’s just a way of watering down the drink, so I leave out the soda and take a more… cocktail-y method.
Crushed ice is a must for me whenever I whip up a Brandy Old Fashioned. I always skip the soda and let the tiny shards of ice do the work, taming those strong, sweet flavors and turning this into a drink you can sip slowly.
As for a garnish, most will throw a “flag” of an orange wedge and a cherry spiked through with a wooden toothpick, but my take here is that those things are already in the drink, so I skip ‘em. Besides, how pretty does that look without the goofy fruit salad perched over the top?
You know, it’s something to enjoy sipping on while you cook up some bratwurst and onions in a boiling kettle of beer before everyone comes over to watch the Packers game. Drink accordingly.
Brandy Old Fashioned
1 sugar cube or 1 tsp 2:1 simple syrup
2 dashes Angostura bitters
1 orange wedge
1 cherry, preferably Amarena or Maraska
2 oz brandy or Cognac
In a chilled old fashioned glass, muddle the sugar, bitters, orange wedge and cherry into a thick paste, careful not to work the orange peel. Add brandy or Cognac, stir, and fill glass with crushed ice and serve.
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About Me
My name is Jeff Morgenthaler and I'm the bar manager at Clyde Common in Portland, Oregon.
I've been tending bar since 1996 and writing about it since 2004. I started tending bar while getting my degree in Interior Architecture, and slowly I came to the conclusion that bartending was what I really loved, and that I might as well drop everything and focus on being a professional bartender. Over the years I have strived, both behind the bar and with this website, to elevate the experience of having a drink from something mundane to something more culinary.
The writing I do here is intended as a work in progress. My recipes are like my opinions: they are constantly being revised and refined as I work them through my mind and my fingers. Comments and participation are encouraged, so please don't feel the need to tread lightly here.
05 Mar 2010 at 9:59 AM 1. Chris
How much do you suppose she was paid for that nonsense?
05 Mar 2010 at 10:18 AM 2. Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Whatever it was, I’m guessing it was far too much.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:25 AM 3. Chris W.
Anyone ever notice this woman has the same dead-eyed smile in every single photograph snapped of her? It’s quite unnerving.
Almost as unnerving as her “let’s throw crap together and make it look pretty, taste be damned” approach to the culinary arts.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:26 AM 4. Marvin
You’ll Laugh
You’ll Cry
You’ll throw up in your mouth a little.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:31 AM 5. Rocky
I’m laughing, but it’s to avoid the pain. I’ve had that one for the Hurt Locker though, 20 years ago in Tiajuana. I was 12 and extra stupid.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:32 AM 6. Chad
I wonder what she is making for “Best Grip” and “Best Soundtrack.” Well I know at least a starting point for a new cocktail book, “101 Crappy Cocktails and Who Cares if They Taste Good.” Maybe she can write the forward.
05 Mar 2010 at 10:35 AM 7. Duff
My God, there IS a Hurt Locker drink!
05 Mar 2010 at 10:46 AM 8. Charlie
Even the website say “EW”!
05 Mar 2010 at 10:51 AM 9. Carly
She routinely makes it onto Cake Wrecks for her ridiculous cake advice. This makes me thinks there should be a cocktail wrecks site. Although I suppose awful drinks aren’t usually so visually spectacular.
05 Mar 2010 at 11:34 AM 10. Paulo
To paraphrase “Grease”:
Look at me, I’m Sandra Lee/
Lousy with mixology.
Can’t make a drink/
Without causing a stink/
I can’t, I’m Sandra Lee…
05 Mar 2010 at 12:20 PM 11. RyeGirl
Oh that is hideous! She made my shaker parts feel awful and now I want to punch my dog in the face.
Why lady, why?!? Why would you do that to this adorable little puppy?!?
05 Mar 2010 at 2:53 PM 12. Jefferson
This is the same critter who did ads for KFC and said she loved the grilled “chicken”. It’s probably not true, but it might explain a palate as dead as the look on her face.
05 Mar 2010 at 4:50 PM 13. Ellen Green
No.9 Up cocktail sounds really disgusting! The drain in your bar’s drip pan taste better than that.
05 Mar 2010 at 5:19 PM 14. Jordan
Here’s my question: did she actually try any of these abominations? If so, does she have any remaining tastebuds?
05 Mar 2010 at 8:13 PM 15. TopherTino
Wow….it’s not that I expect more from her, ’cause I don’t, but this definitely is detrimental to the progression of cocktails. Way too many folks think that these “mixed drinks” they get are really what true cocktails are. (E.g. I had a friend under the impression that a Bellini uses Peach Snapple….’nough said). I’m really over it, but keep your rusty steak knife I’ll just take Suzy Cocktailmaker’s Negroni sans the bullshitry modifications.
06 Mar 2010 at 1:06 AM 16. T Best
Christ, is that what passes for journalism these days? Seriously pre-school quality. Where’s a sub-editor when you need one…
Having said that, this woman seems to have built her career on cutting corners, and generally using unauthentic crap formulas; it doesn’t fill me with surprise that her journalism and cocktails should be any different.
It seems anyone who buys her publications probably deserves whatever they get.
06 Mar 2010 at 1:52 PM 17. D.Ronen
I can’t believe you made no real comment on the Hurt Locker cocktail. JC Especial added to a nartsy-lookin’ michelada? That honestly made me more queasy than both her narrative AND that Sandra Bullock cocktail. Oof.
06 Mar 2010 at 5:26 PM 18. evilbusdriver
This is like those bartending school videos you put up. You try to not look, then you do and immediately regret it.
06 Mar 2010 at 11:44 PM 19. Jack Tiano
I think you guys are being a little harsh. I mean, sure, the drinks would be better with more high quality premixes and a lazier shake, but c’mon, she’s a broad.
07 Mar 2010 at 10:40 AM 20. Tokyo Tea
If any of you watch the food networks (Food or FLN)you have to acknowledge that these trainwreck cocktails are common occurence. Ever watch Guy’s big bite for example? Not that I would expect anything quality from a barkeep with bleach spiked hair and a wristband (your service permit should automatically be revoked if you are a bartender wearing a wristband)
07 Mar 2010 at 10:48 PM 21. Jessica Roberts
I don’t know Sandra Lee but maybe we shouldn’t be making fun of someone who is clearly a couple eggs short of a dozen.
08 Mar 2010 at 5:16 AM 22. snb farmer
If a chaser is supposed to be served on the side how do you fill a chilled tall glass with 1oz of Tequila and a splash of tomato juice? It doesn’t say the beer goes in the glass (Hurt Locker). Lots of pineapple juice here who would think pineapple juice could improve an old fashioned?
08 Mar 2010 at 6:26 AM 23. Sam Harrigan
Can’t wait to see the “tablescape” she’s come up with to match this doozy…
09 Mar 2010 at 6:57 AM 24. tk
she seems to agree
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLrNGIbqn0w&feature=player_embedded
10 Mar 2010 at 9:07 AM 25. Mary Sue
But it’s Aunt Sandy! No one’s really taken her seriously since the Kwanzaa cake!
11 Mar 2010 at 3:51 PM 26. lala12
Dear Sandra Lee,
Quit trying to look like Heidi Montag.
Thank you
11 Mar 2010 at 5:00 PM 27. Gonçalo
’semi-homedmade’ ?!
half-unconcsious !?
11 Mar 2010 at 5:41 PM 28. Grant
deep down i really hope she was taking the piss
14 Mar 2010 at 10:16 PM 29. AK
The amount of sambuca in these drinks is peculiar to me, even beyond the general awfulness.
15 Mar 2010 at 11:38 AM 30. Julie
What a shit show! Everything I can ever remember this woman creating makes me want to vom. Blue curacao doesn’t belong anywhere near a cocktail…the blessing comes in disguise here; all this fucking hysterical commentary, thank you, Jeffrey!
15 Mar 2010 at 5:34 PM 31. Columbine Quillen
Wow, you guys are harsh. Who cares about her mixing citrus vodka or blue curacao – that is her gimmick and she’s quite good at it. She was raised in poverty and mothered her four younger siblings when she was only 11 years old. She’s achieved remarkable success regardless of the card that was dealt to her in life. I personally don’t care much for her recipes and tablescapes – however I do have a lot of admiration and respect for a self-made woman. I don’t have to love her drinks – it really isn’t the point.
15 Mar 2010 at 7:16 PM 32. Mark
I’m confused. Cocktails aside…
1. A grownup wrote all that crap?
2. She has problems with the abuse in Precious but not a peep about Inglorious Basterds? Mr. Head, meet Mr. Baseball Bat. Mr. Baseball Bat met Mr. Head.
3. She gets paid for this?
Dear God, my life truly has lost all meaning. And I’m out of Rye.
15 Mar 2010 at 10:44 PM 33. AK
“Who cares about her mixing citrus vodka or blue curacao – that is her gimmick and she’s quite good at it. She was raised in poverty and mothered her four younger siblings when she was only 11 years old. She’s achieved remarkable success regardless of the card that was dealt to her in life.”
Her gimmick is making tripe, not coming up from poverty. If she wanted to sell me her inspiring story of determination and loyalty I might be alright with it, but the tripe she peddles should be judged for the tripe it is, not for the noble origins from which it sprang.
A compelling backstory cannot give additional worth to inferior food and drink. Food and drink insist on being judged on their merits as such.
16 Mar 2010 at 12:17 PM 34. Tokyo Tea
Wow, Sure is a tough time nowadays being Blue Curacao!
22 Mar 2010 at 12:10 PM 35. Kate
“I don’t have to love her drinks – it really isn’t the point.”
Actually, that’s exactly the point.
24 Mar 2010 at 10:28 AM 36. Nick
How about this drink:
1 part crazy bitch
2 parts hot boobies
equal parts satan and robot.
Watching the show on mute makes me put on Mastadon or Slayer and drink the blood of a bat. Okay, maybe a little harsh, maybe not. Too bad all you have to do to host a show is be a hot soccer mom and know how to semi-cook box meals and “construct tablescapes” Seriously, who does that shit?
Thanks for making us feel human Jeff. Keep it up!
Imbibingly yours,
Nick (caskproof)
12 Apr 2010 at 12:40 PM 37. JulianZ
What’s not just unfortunate but absolutely soul crushing about this (besides the stomach curdling ‘recipes’ for ‘cocktails’) is the fact that her fame is a clear sign of the times we live in.
Quality is no longer what people are concerned with and we bartenders along with chefs constantly are forced to compromise. Compromises in terms of flavour and contents. At the bar I work at (linked to) I’ve been asked for cocktails that are low-fat, sugar-free, cool-looking and other ridiculous insults to our craft.
When I walk into a cocktail bar I’m looking for taste, not a diet, an image or something with enough sugar to give a horse a stroke without the benfit of flavour. Getting absoluteley shithoused is just a bonus…
One of the things we as a team at my workplace strive to do is re-introduce people to the classic notion of a cocktail. Take people out of their comfort zone, put the goddamned Midori down, serve them what must be absolutely disgusting because it wasn’t featured on Sex & the City and more often than not you’ll have gotten yourself a convert. At least for the night.
We can bitch and moan as much as we like (I do it, a lot.) but we also have to do something about it otherwise the near future of our industry will be filled with Midori, Blue Curacao, cheap product and pissweak drinks that are an insult to the hardworking manufacturers of the product actually worth using.
And that’s my self righteous rant of the month done.
Awesome blog, cheers from Melbourne, Australia.
26 May 2010 at 7:23 AM 38. Muss
I remember seeing this list sometime ago, and yes, it’s utterly revolting.
07 Jun 2010 at 1:47 PM 39. Chris
She does a lot of damage to the mixing world. As I think about it, so do 99% of the celeb chefs that attempt making cocktails.
Guy Fieri is as bad if not worse than she is too, especially his technique.
C
10 Jun 2010 at 12:40 PM 40. Andrea
Damage to the mixing world? Sweet jeezus! Try damage to the entire food and drink world.
We should all steer clear of anyone that runs around touting “semi-homemade” anything.
What ever happened to making it all from scratch?
24 Jun 2010 at 12:44 PM 41. mata
Way too funny… Comments even more hilarious! Cheers!
05 Feb 2011 at 3:26 PM 42. Devon Belcher
try doing a google search for “Sandra Lee Kwanzaa Cake”. I’d provide a link here, but part of the fun is coming across all the people responding to her.
28 Feb 2011 at 7:14 AM 43. jeff underwood
This woman kills me. Her attempts at cocktails, much like almost every attempt at a cocktail on Food Network is a disaster. She doesn’t even measure for Christ’s sake! I’ve been known to free-pour on occasion, but she just dumps in stuff straight out of the bottle! My favorite instance of this is when she made some random drink, which was all booze, in which she dumped 3 different liquors, un-chilled, into a giant snifter. And that was it. That was the drink. It was literally 8 to 10 ounces of booze, unchilled and undiluted.
16 Mar 2011 at 4:38 PM 44. Nick
I love the fact that this story still gets hits almost a year later! Such a testament.
21 Jun 2011 at 9:49 AM 45. Jonathan Van Ark
I just like that the link takes you to
ew.com — should be ewwwww.com
but — whatever.
11 Sep 2011 at 11:51 AM 46. The Designer
For those who missed it, check out the comments under each of those drinks, they’re just as harsh as ours.
Now to a serious question, wouldn’t simmering “punch” for 4-6 hours make it devoid of all alcohol?