Hey Bartender

My South Side Irish Chicago Dad always told me that Jameson was the Catholic whisky and that Bushmills was the whiskey made by “the damn Protestants”. Now this character I met at the bar is trying to tell me it’s the other way around. Help! Who do I believe, the man who raised me, or some drunk I met in a bar? You can see why I am confused.

School Marm

Hey Marm

I was wondering when someone would ask this question. The truth of the matter is, the age-old faux-pas of ordering Bushmills for fear of supporting English aggression and offending the Republic of Ireland is about as Irish as corned beef – which is to say, not very Irish at all but rather Irish-American (Sorry, kids, corned beef is a Jewish invention).

Anyway, both of your sources are wrong, but at least your father got the order right. The widely-accepted Irish-American version is that Jameson is Catholic whiskey and Bushmills is Protestant whiskey. But that’s merely based on geography: Bushmills is from Northern Ireland (a predominantly Protestant region) and Jameson is from Cork – Catholic country.

Jameson was pretty much founded in 1780 when John Jameson – a Scottish guy – purchased the Bow Street Distillery, which at the time was one of the biggest distilleries in Ireland. Now, it’s important to note that the Scottish Reformation occurred in 1560, so odds are in favor of the founder of the Jameson distillery, being Scottish, was a damn Protestant.

Bushmills, on the other hand, was officially licensed in 1608 by King James I (of Bible fame) and despite of its location deep in the heart of Protestant country (and this next bit is straight from my local Bushmills rep, so take it or leave it) has a Catholic as a master distiller.

According to everyone I’ve spoken with on the subject, you only really find this debate in the States, where Irish-American support of the Republic can sometimes be blind and often fueled by the very product we’re speaking of. But none of it means much, anyway: both distilleries are owned by huge international entities: Jameson by French liquor conglomerate Pernod-Ricard, and Bushmills by the English firm Diageo.

As for my preference, I tend to like the lighter Bushmills as it’s the first Irish whiskey I discovered years ago, and I’ve certainly enjoyed my share of Jameson from time to time. But my personal preference is Redbreast, a twelve-year pot still Irish whiskey produced at the Old Midleton Distillery and a real delight to sip while enjoying a late-night Irish breakfast of sausage, egg, pudding and soda bread. Delicious.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Protestant vs. Catholic Whiskey (Repost)

For many years before this whole cocktail thing really took off, I worked in dive bars. Really crappy dive bars where people would visit – often nightly – for what appeared to be the sole purpose of getting very, very drunk. These bars were loud, they were obnoxious, and at times they could be very dangerous.

We could cut people off as an act of self-preservation. Sometimes it was because we didn’t want to fined by the state liquor control board. Sometimes it was because we didn’t want a particularly drunk patron scaring away other, big-spending customers. And sometimes it was because we were genuinely concerned for our safety.

Which could backfire. I remember one night in college when, after refusing to serve an especially drunk redneck, he announced, “I’m getting in my truck, going home, grabbing my shotgun, and coming back here to blow your head off.” I locked the door and called the cops, who greeted him outside the bar about a half hour later.

And there came a breaking point, when I didn’t want to do that anymore. So I made the conscious decision to try to get jobs in better bars, where people didn’t behave like that as much. Which might be why you’re reading this now, because I devoted myself to learning how to make good drinks and do something more than sling cheap beer and cut people off. Starting this website was part of that process.

But just because now I’m charging eight bucks for a drink doesn’t mean that I’ve found a magic clientele paradise where everyone orders expensive cocktails and nobody gets drunk. It does mean, however, that I’ve had to take a different attitude to service that doesn’t include drawing a line across my throat with my forefinger to indicate that a guest was no longer allowed access to the alcohol.

But as I was trying to illustrate with my earlier story, telling someone “No more” can lead to an uncomfortable situation. So that’s why I now try to approach the denial of alcohol from a hospitality-centric perspective: I’m the one who helped get you into this mess, and now I’m going to be the one who helps you get out of it – a bartender in every sense of the word.

So you have to inform your guest that you can’t serve them any more liquor. It’s a delicate situation, but the most crucial part of the rest of your time together. There are a few points that you need to convey:

1. You’re not comfortable serving them any more alcohol. This is important because it places the weight of the decision on you. Why are you uncomfortable? Because you’re concerned about their safety. Because you want to make sure they get home safely. Because they’re your guest and you genuinely care about the direction the rest of their night takes.
2. You want your guest to continue enjoying their time at your bar. Offer them a coffee, offer them water, and if you can swing it, some food from the kitchen on the house. It makes such a big difference and shows that you actually care about their time spent at your bar.
3. You want them to come back. It’s embarrassing to get cut off at a bar, it makes you reconsider visiting again. I like to tell people that their first drink on their next visit will be on me. It’s a hospitable way of saying, “This isn’t a personal issue, and I look forward to spending more time with you in the future.”
4. You need them to get home safely. Offer to pay for a taxi home. Help find a ride from a sober friend. I’ve even known bartenders who have personally driven people home while the other bartender covered the bar in their absence. This is the very definition of hospitality.

This is merely a primer and my hope is that all of you will chime in to the comments section and share your thoughts on how best to handle a delicate situation. Personally, I plan on not getting to the point of being cut off this Repeal Day, but if I do, I hope I’m in the competent hands of a caring bartender at the time.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

How to Cut Someone Off

Hey Bartender

I went to the bar last night with a coworker, whom I was treating to drinks on my tab. When we got the bill, it was very high, so we asked to have an itemized list of the drinks we were charged for. That’s when another bartender told us that some girl had been charging Jack and Cokes on my tab, without my knowledge.

Well, long story short, our bartender, a young girl, came right back WITHOUT an itemized list, but with a smaller bill, excluding the Jacks, I guess. While outside, her friends said, “Do you think that girl (me) knows that we drank on her tab?”

So, now I am very leery of starting tabs, especially at my local, favorite bar. Got any suggestions to prevent this from happening in the future?

Thanks,

Kat

Hey Kat

It sucks, doesn’t it? When you enter into a trust-based relationship with a professional, there is an unspoken agreement that, to me at least, feels somewhat binding. What you’re saying, in effect, when you hand your card over to a bartender at the beginning of the night is, “Hey, bartender. I promise not to get so wasted that I leave this bar without signing my tab, stiffing you on the tip, or arguing about every single drink I promised to buy.”

What the bartender is saying is this: “Hey, customer. I promise not to be a gigantic motherfucking douchebag and charge you for a bunch of shit that you didn’t ask for.”

Kat, my dear, your bartender reneged on the contract. So, yeah, I’ve got a couple of suggestions to prevent this from happening to you in the future:

1. Don’t ever set foot in that bar ever again. I’m serious. A bar that can’t be trusted with a simple thing like your tab can’t be trusted with your safety. If they can’t keep a girl from charging her drinks to a stranger’s tab, do you really think the bartenders at this establishment are vigilant enough to prevent someone from slipping something in your drink, diffusing a potentially dangerous confrontational scene or handling any of the other potentially scary situations that can present themselves to female patrons in bars? My advice is to steer clear of this joint, and any other establishments owned by the same proprietors.

2. Only carry cash and never run a tab. Yeah, it sucks. Never mind the fact that you have to find an ATM, you also have to be walking around with a bunch of cash in your pocket. But think of it this way: even if you were to be robbed of your sixty dollars, or even if it fell out of your pocket onto the street or bar floor, wouldn’t that one time still be cheaper than letting everyone in the bar walk all over your tab?

3. Print this post out and hand it to the bartender in question. Then I’ll address the bartender personally. You ready? Okay, here we go:

Dear Bartender I’ve Never Met:

Hey, dumbshit. Some of us are trying to make a career out of this. And you’re fucking it up for the rest of us who actually take our jobs seriously. Did you really think it was okay to just throw a bunch of shit on my friend Kat’s tab without checking with her first? Do you think that anyone else, in any other business in the world, would let that kind of shit slide?

Here’s what advice I’m giving Kat: First, I’ve suggested that she never, ever set foot in your bar again. You’re reckless, unsafe, and a disgrace to the profession. However, if she decides not to heed my advice and does happen to pop in for a drink, I’m recommending that she pays for each drink, with cash, each time. And when she does, I want you to know that she’s only doing it because she doesn’t trust you.

Good luck to both of you. My readers and I all know you’re going to need it.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Running a Tab

Susan writes:

I am a frequent bar customer. I need an explanation of the concept behind buybacks.

One bartender who I was friends with would not let me pay for my drinks, ever. He said they were on him.

One day when it was very slow in the bar I asked him if he could let me pay for my drinks, because he was losing $14 for the two drinks that I had. The owner was present and heard me say this. Thee next time I saw him he was absolutely furious with me and said that this got him in trouble (reprimanded).

How do you get in trouble for this?

Thanks so much for your thoughts,
Susan

Dear Susan

I’ll just bet your friend was furious with you: buybacks may come in many colors, but you just caught him robbing the place blind.

Let me back up and explain the concept of “buybacks” for those who aren’t familiar with the idea. See, in many lower-end bars, neighborhood dives, juke joints, roadhouses, taverns and shitkicker saloons, the bartender has developed a symbiotic relationship with his or her customers that puts a few extra dollars in the barkeep’s pocket at the end of the night, and keeps the clientele coming back for more. It’s called the buyback and it works like this:

I’m a regular customer. I come into your bar five, six nights a week and hoist a good three pints at a sitting, tipping a dollar or more on each beer. You and I have a mutual understanding that my fourth drink is going to be on the house. I, as a customer, don’t really know why this is the rule, and you most likely haven’t been trained by the owner in this practice. But as long as I’m tipping and we’ve got a good relationship as customer and bartender, that fourth drink is gonna be free.

The buyback has been around for a long, long time. My guess is that it’s been around for so long that it originated in a time when owners still worked behind the bar and would buy a drink for a customer as a sign of appreciation for his loyalty. Done in an appropriate manner by someone who actually owns the booze, the buyback can be a very effective tool in maintaining a regular customer base. But don’t be fooled, Susan. Your friend isn’t a savvy businessman, sliding you an occasional drink to thank you for your regular patronage, but rather a douchebag and a thief – giving away alcohol and putting the money in his pocket.

As you said in your email, “One bartender who I was friends with would not let me pay for my drinks, ever… How do you get in trouble for this?” Well, Susan, you get in trouble the same way a teenage employee of The Gap gets busted for putting a pair of leggings in her purse – the only difference is that The Gap would have the good sense to fire the employee in question and your friend’s boss is clearly a moron.

I get upset with bartenders like your friend, because it perpetuates a myth that many people carry with them into bars: that alcohol should be free and well-liked people should never have to pay for a drink. I don’t know where this prevailing attitude comes from, but I suspect it grew out of the venerable buyback. Look at it in another light: every morning you stop at the place by your house for a coffee and a bagel. And every morning you pay full price, never expecting to have the girl behind the counter refuse to take your money. It doesn’t faze you in the least, does it?

So why do some people expect the opposite treatment when it comes to bars? This isn’t even an expectation you see sales-wide in the liquor industry, it’s bar-specific. You would never, ever expect every fourth six-pack at your local grocery store to be free, would you? Really?

As a bartender who doesn’t steal from his employers, I’m forced to rely on a smile, some solid conversation, and a well-made drink to make my living. Sure, I’d probably make more money hopping from job to job, giving away booze at every place in town until either I was fired or the place went out of business, but that’s not much of a career. Sure, I’d be the most popular guy in town, but my hope is that eventually people will once again admire bartenders as hosts, craftspeople, and trusted civic figures and regard us less as petty thieves and scam-artists.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Buybacks

Hey Bartender

I have a question for you, do spirits (rums, bourbons, whiskies, gin, etc.) improve with age in glass bottles? Is it possible for the spirit’s taste to change over time after being bottled? Or, is it the case that after being taken from the wooden barrels that, that is it, the spirit won’t then change in its taste or won’t improve.

Kind Regards,

Brendan

Hey Brendan

You hit the nail on the head at the end there. Sprits do not age once they’ve been bottled. Sorry to break it to you, but that 12-year old Scotch you’ve been saving for twenty years is not now effectively 32 years old. It shouldn’t really taste any different than it did on the day it was packaged.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Old Age

Hey Bartender

My girlfriend and I are currently trying to get pregnant. My question for you is, is it okay for her to drink in the first trimester? I have heard that this is the safe period when you can have a drink (not too much of course!) and wanted to get your take on it.

Thanks!

HD

Hey Bartender

I’m expecting a child in the next few weeks. My doctor told me that it would be fine to have a glass of red wine on occasion. I’d like to know if there are any other lower-alcohol drinks you’d recommend for someone who is expecting. Many thanks!

Steph

Hey HD and Steph

There are more myths out there surrounding alcohol and pregnancy than you’ll find regarding alcohol and just about anything else. But the truth of the matter is this: Drinking any alcohol at all during pregnancy is really, really dangerous.

In 1973, doctors at the University of Washington named a pattern of physical and mental birth defects belonging to children whose mothers were alcoholics Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). Their groundbreaking research (prior to this, it was pretty much believed that such birth nomalies were purely hereditary) opened the doors to worldwide studies concerning the connection between birth defects and alcohol consumption during pregnancy. It was at this time that FAS was named as the leading cause of mental retardation.

On average, FAS children are 30 IQ points below normal expectations.

So, what other harm to the baby can be caused by drinking while pregnant? Well, how about…

• Deformed bones, head and face
• Stunted growth
• Learning disabilities and lower IQ
• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
• Behavioral and psychological problems
• Poor physical coordination
• Heart defects
• Lower birth weight
• Small head size
• Miscarriage

…to name a few.

Scary, huh? Not as scary as the plethora of misinformation out there – and a lot of it is coming from actual physicians not yet familiar with the latest research.

“So are some drinks safer than others? My doctor said I should stick to red wine.” Not at all. A 12-ounce beer, a 5-ounce glass of wine, or a 1.5-ounce shot of tequila, they all contain about the same amount of ethyl alcohol. The rest is mainly water and flavoring, kids. Red wine carries a lot of health mystiques these days, but don’t be fooled: red wine is still just booze.

“Are certain times safer than others? My doctor said that it’s okay to drink during the [whatever] trimester.” No, alcohol places a baby at risk throughout the entire pregnancy:

• Many physical deformities occur primarily in the first trimester.
• Drinking during the second trimester has been listed as a cause of miscarriage.
• Small size and poor physical coordination are both results of drinking in the third trimester.
• And alcohol can interfere with brain development during all three trimesters.

“My friend drank occasionally when she was pregnant and her child looks fine.”Drinking any alcohol during pregnancy is like playing Russian Roulette with the lifelong welfare of the child. Risk for alcohol-related damage increases with each pregnancy, and can occur any time a woman drinks while pregnant.

“But I’m not an alcoholic, I just want to have an occasional drink.” FAS is the most severe result of drinking during pregnancy, but represents only a small fraction of Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) which are much more widespread. FAS is usually apparent in infancy but the problems of other FAE children often do not appear until later in life:

• FAE kids in pre-school can have abnormal facial features, small stature, experience slow development, hyperactivity, and poor physical coordination
• School-age children with FAE can experience learning problems, distractibility, poor attention, poor memory, and impulsiveness
• Teenagers show an inability to adapt and learn from experience, social immaturity, lack friendships, and tend to be early school drop-outs
• Adults with FAE experience joblessness, sexual and other criminal offenses, alcohol and drug problems, poor judgment, mental health problems, and premature death.

So what can you do to avoid these problems? Don’t drink! I know it’s much harder than it sounds, but with support from friends and family, and – most importantly – your partner (I’m looking at you, HD, I always encourage the partner to abstain as well) it can go much more smoothly.

And what’s a non-drinking couple supposed to do for fun? Well, I’m glad you asked. My good friend Natalie over at The Liquid Muse has been developing a whole line of what she’s calling Preggatinis, which are brilliant non-alcoholic concoctions specially designed for pregnant couples taking a break from alcohol.

Good luck, HD and Steph!

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Drinking While Pregnant, It’s Cool, Right?

One scenario involves the novice bartender using prepackaged mix as a medium for all sorts of vile concoctions. Let’s face it: bland, weak, artificially-flavored sour mix is the vodka of non-alocholic mixers. Add some raspberry to it, it tastes pretty much like raspberry. Add some whiskey and it’s, uh, flavored whiskey. I guess.

But this other path is one that I’ve been asked a lot about lately, and is the subject of this article: how do you make and properly apply fresh sour mix to cocktails?

Hey Bartender

I have a simple question. Why is it that 90% of the time when I order a whiskey sour I get a giant glass of Country Time Lemonade with a shot of Jack Daniels in it? Or worse, Squirt with some Black Velvet? Sour mix is just lemon and sugar right? I don’t understand why this is such a hard drink to get made correctly. Maybe it’s because I live in Nebraska.

Charles

Hey Bartender

I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time now (since well before the layout changed) so I’ve come to learn through and through that you despise pretty much any premixed cocktail mixers; Sour Mix, Bloody Mary Mix, etc… there are places online that offer ways to make “homemade” sour mix etc… but seeing as I haven’t developed with them one of those creepy checking-their-blog-for-updates-everyday thing that I have with your blog, I thought I would ask your advice on making homemade equivelents. For example, a good whisky sour from scratch, or even just simple syrup.

How do you personally prepare these cocktail mixers ahead of time on the job or on a drink-to-drink basis at home?

Anyways, thanks for the good reading.

Mark

Hey Guys

First of all, it’s not just Nebraska, it’s everywhere. The reason you’re getting something that tastes like Country Time Lemonade is because that’s pretty much what bottled sour mix is. Bars in this country use bottled sour mix for a variety of reasons:

• It’s cheap.
• It never spoils.
• It doesn’t require any preparation time.
• Nobody remembers how to do it the right way.
• It tastes delicious.

Just kidding. It actually tastes like shit.

So the question is, how do we do it the right way? Well, first I want you to make yourself some simple syrup. That’s right, one part hot water, one part sugar. Stir it until it’s clear, put it in a nice-looking bottle, and away you go.

Now get yourself some sort of juicer, any kind. There are hand juicers, motorized juicers, attachments for your KitchenAid, crank/press juicers, just about every imaginable method for extracting juice from a piece of fruit awaits you at your local MegaMall. Just make sure you pick up a little strainer, too, because bits of pulp in your drink are a big no-no.

With your new juicer, that bottle of simple syrup, and a bag of lemons at your side, you’re just about ready to go. Squeeze and strain that lemon juice into a pretty bottle and meet me back here when you’re done.

I’m going to show you how to make a whiskey sour today, but you can substitute any primary liquor for the bourbon. Yes, even Midori. I guess.

There are a lot of conflicting whiskey sour recipes on the internet right now. Most will tell you to use one part lemon juice to one part simple syrup. That’s pretty standard but it’s a little sweet for me and I think bourbon is sweet enough already, so here’s my whiskey sour recipe:

Whiskey Sour

2 oz bourbon
1 oz fresh lemon juice
.75 oz simple syrup

Shake ingredients with ice and strain over fresh rocks in a short 8 oz glass. Garnish with a lemon wedge.

That’s it! Just remember: as with any recipe you’ll find, it’s open to interpretation. If this one’s too sour for you, just add a little more syrup.

Now, what about a more versatile “sour mix” that you can make in larger quantities and use in place of Country Time Lemonade?

Sour Mix

2 parts simple syrup
2 parts lemon juice
1 part lime juice

Make as much, or as little, as you want. Bottle it and use it anywhere, in place of the crap you find at the supermarket. Want a whiskey sour? 2 ounces whiskey, 2 ounces sour mix, on the rocks. Margarita? 2 ounces tequila, 1 ounce triple sec, 2 ounces sour mix. Pisco sour? 2 ounces pisco, 2 ounces sour mix, .5 ounces egg white. Enjoy, baby.

Now that you know how easy it is to make your own freshly-squeezed cocktails, maybe you’ll start demanding more from the bars you frequent. Tell them how easy it is and maybe we can all be on our way down a brighter path.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Sour Mix in Two Parts

Hey Bartender,

I’m a senior in high school here in Eugene, and I read about you in the Register Guard today. I’ve been thinking about becoming a bartender for a while, and the article, along with your blog, pretty much sealed the deal. I was wondering if you would tell me how you got into it, what I should expect (the good and the bad of the job), and anything else you think is important. I really appreciate any advice you could give me, thanks for your time.

K

Hey K

Get yourself some really comfortable shoes.

Just kidding. Sort of. I think that if you go back and check out some of my older posts you’ll get a pretty good idea of what I think are the positive and the negative aspects of being a career bartender, so check out the archives. But enough about me, let’s talk about you.

No matter what any high school guidance counselor tells you, most people rarely have any clue what they’ll be doing in ten, fifteen, or twenty years. Just look at me: I went to school to be an architect and now here I am answering bartending questions on the internet. So remember, keep your options open, because you never know where life will take you.

Now, I’m guessing (hoping, actually) that you’ve never set foot in a bar and won’t for several more years, so although I wonder why you want to become a bartender in the first place, I’m going to give you some advice.

1. Get a restaurant job. If you’re don’t already have plans for the summer after graduation, then type up a resume and hit the streets. Most large restaurants (your parents can tell you which ones) need bussers and hosts, so pound the pavement until you get hired bussing or hosting somewhere. You’ll get a good overview of the industry that you won’t be able to get any other way.

2. Go to college. This business we’re in can be real short on intelligent people, so take some classes and get an education. And if you really want to choose a major that will help prepare you to be a modern-age bartender, take this next piece of advice seriously:

3. Learn to cook. The next big phase for bartending is coming out of the kitchen. Bartenders all over the world are starting to explore the culinary side of cocktails, and the next step is going to be universal acceptance. As mixology becomes more widely-regarded as a craft and less associated with alcoholism and binge-drinking (just as winemaking and brewing have done over the past thirty years) bartenders with culinary backgrounds are going to be at the forefront of the industry.

So what I’m saying is that having a head start in the kitchen is going to help you set yourself aside as a leader in the field, rather than just another schlub throwing around rum-and-Cokes all night.

There are cooking schools everywhere these days, Lane Community College in Eugene even has a great culinary arts program. Look into it.

And if you have any doubts about my predictions for the future of bartending, check out any of the links on the right for further reading – my friends can shed a whole lot more light on all of this for you.

Good luck, K, and keep us up-to-date in the comments section below!

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Advice for a High School Senior

Hey Bartender,

Ever since I started making my own drinks at home I’ve been eyeing all my bartenders like a hawk. I’ve noticed a lot of them use the crack-open-the-boston-shaker straining technique.

What are your thoughts on this? I’m not a huge fan of it because it allows bits of ice to get into the drink and that’s just not very appetizing or pretty ;)

Dan

Hey Dan

I tried to find a video of this for those who don’t understand what we’re talking about here, but I can’t seem to find one. If any of you have your Cocktail DVD handy, Tom Cruise pulls this move when he makes the Turquoise Blue for Gina Gershon. Anyway.

I don’t really have much of an opinion on this. I’ve asked a lot of other bartenders what they thought, and they were also fairly ambivalent. Personally, I’m so used to using a strainer that this particular flair move just slows me down. I agree with your concern that it allows bits of ice to land in what should be a non-chunky drink, but I’d be interested in hearing what others have to say.

So what do you think, internet friends? Strainer or crack?

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: What’s Crackin’?

Hey Bartender

I was hoping you could settle a debate that has begun in my office. The men say that most women drink for free (men buy their drinks) and expect to drink free. The women (myself included) believe this is an old wives tale as we have not the experience of walking into a bar and having random men pick up our tabs. Not that it has never happened but it is an exception not the rule. In your experience as a bartender are we women just going to the wrong places or is this free drink experience really the exception? I know it is silly question but it really is an intense debate!

Your opinion is greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Amy

Hey Amy

When I was in college, I knew a group of girls that would make a game out of leaving the house at night with no money. They would see how drunk they could get for free, schmoozing horny old men into buying them as many drinks as they could drink before moving on to the next bar. Although they had a lot of fun, I could never shake the feeling that this was a really dangerous game they were playing: although they have no right, some men think they’re owed a thing or two after buying a vodka and tonic for a lady.

I’ve tended bar in all sorts of places, from college partyhouses and over-the-tracks dive bars to upscale restaurants and lounges. I can honestly tell you that you’re not missing out on anything. Sure, there’s the occasional woman who doesn’t pay for a thing (I fail to see how this is vastly different from prostitution), but it’s not the rule, it’s an exception.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Free Drinks!

Hey Bartender

As you stated in your recent post, we can’t possibly be expected to know the full gamut of odd-named and (sometimes) purely awful drinks that tend to get ordered every once and a while. I was wondering, is there one comprehensive (preferably small and inconspicuous-looking) cocktail book that covers a large percentage of these drinks? I just want to know what you would recommend if I wanted to have one book behind the bar for these situations (I know you recommend Harrington’s book, but I simply can’t afford to drop $100 – I’m in the struggling college student bartending camp at the moment). Any advice?

Thanks,
Scott

Hey Scott

The reality is that you only need to know how to make a few key drinks really well in order to be a successful bartender. Everything else is bullshit and you can look it up in the book. Look, I’ve got a secret: I don’t know how to make a Purple Hooter.

I’ve made a few of them, but we don’t really get too many requests for Purple Hooters where I work. So, every time someone orders a Purple Hooter, I’ve got to break open something we refer to as the Big Book of Dumb Drinks and remind myself what goes in a Purple Hooter. This usually happens about once every three months.

The book we use is called The Bartender’s Black Book by Stephen Cunningham Kitteredge, but we just refer to it as “The Big Book of Dumb Drinks” since it catalogues every silly, sexually-named, nightclub-oriented, childish, dumb drink you’ll ever get an order for.

It’s wonderful. Really. It’s spiral-bound, so it lays flat. It’s small, so it doesn’t take up much space behind the bar. And it’s actually got a bunch of other useful information.

You can purchase the book here.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Cocktail Books

Hey Bartender

I have a question about this twisted industry you (we) are in. Right now I’m serving and bartending at an independent bar/restaurant and will work until about 1 or 2am every shift. It’s throwing the rest of my life out of wack.

How’s your social life been? I’m wondering what it’s going to be like for me in the long term, now that I anticipate serving or bartending for the next five years. Do you have enough time to hang out with friends? Can you keep a relationship going, working those kinds of hours?

I’m worried that things might not pick up.

Warren

Hey Warren

That’s a heavy question. To be honest with you, it’s not easy. My choice of careers has been responsible for the demise of several wonderful long-term relationships, and I chalk it up to one sad fact: I was never home.

Most people work from 8 to 5. I, like you, work from 4 in the afternoon until 1 or 2 in the morning. Since I tend to date women that are like most other people, with normal jobs and normal hours, that limits the time I can potentially spend with the one I love to lunches and Sundays. It’s not enough.

Sitting alone at home every Friday and Saturday night while your boyfriend/girlfriend is at work is a sad and lonely existence. Add to that the perception that we’re basically at a huge party every night, and you can see how the distance can kill a relationship.

As for friendships, it’s kind of the same thing.  Your friends are going to get tired of only being able to see you when you’re at work, and who can blame them?  Hanging out at the same bar night after night kinda sucks.

So what can you do? Well, here’s some advice:

1. Try dating someone in the industry. They work the same hours you do.  If you’re lucky enough to find someone with the same schedule, you’ve made it.  Just do yourself a favor and don’t fish off the company pier. You’ll most likely just end up hooking a shark and they will bite you.
2. Go to bed.  Really.  You don’t need to stay up every night until 5 or 6. Years ago I learned the joy of having a day.  I come home after work, get in bed, read for a bit, and sleep until 8.  I get outside, I surround myself with people who are also awake, and try to have a great day before I head in to a dark bar for eight hours.
3. Save your money.  I take a walk to the bank every morning and deposit my tips into the ATM.  It’s so easy to spend fifty bucks at a bar after work, especially when you walked with $150, but remember: that $50 could be your phone bill.  Grab a six-pack and go home.  You’ll thank yourself in less than a week’s time.
4. Do things that people with regular jobs do.  Go to the gym, take a walk, go jogging, call your friends, see a movie in a an actual theater (it’s cheaper during the day, too), read a book, join a club, or have lunch in a nice restaurant once a week.  You’re going to end up meeting people, it’s a side-effect.
5. Join a social networking site.  I know they’re stupid, but I get a kick from keeping in touch with my friends on MySpace.  Once a week or so, I’ll get a message from someone who I haven’t talked to in a long time, and it brightens my day.

Warren, the most important thing you can remember is this: either you get on top of this business, or it gets on top of you.  I’ve seen a lot of people fade away from working all night and partying until the wee hours of the morning.  They do too many drugs, they drink every night, and they spend all of their hard-earned money after work.  It’s sad, but it can be avoided really easily.  Remember, it’s only a job, but it comes with some odd hours.  Keep your head about you and you’ll be just fine.
Good luck.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Relationship Advice

Hey Bartender,

I’m a fine art student who draws paints, does flash work, and have done print work. But I’m unemployed for the moment and thinking about bartending school as an alternative job till i get another graphic/web design position, I know bartending school isn’t a job but possibly a means to the end of being a bartender.

What do you think of the schools that are 40 hours and if it might be a reasonable investment?

Thanks

Zach in St. Louis

Hey Zach

I’m not a huge fan of bartending schools, and it’s not only because they make you believe that you’re learning valuable information as they cram 500 useless drink recipes into your brain. What I don’t like about bartending schools is that they make you think you’re actually going to find a job.

Sure, a bartending school is going to give you a bookful of recipes, and some resume-writing tips, and some of the bigger schools might even have some connections around town that will post job openings on their bulletin board. But here’s what they’re not telling you:

No professional bar manager is going to hire someone as a bartender straight out of school.

Sorry, kids, but it’s true. You don’t become a doctor, lawyer, or architect straight out of school, and the same goes for bartending. It takes training, time, and working your way up the ladder in order to be running the show on a Friday night.

If you’re not a complete idiot, you can get a job in a bar with no experience, and for half the cost of a bartending “school”. And I’m going to show you how.

Let’s say that a typical bartending course is forty hours long and costs $500, yet doesn’t get you a job. I’m going to bet that you can get a job for the same money or less in the same forty hours. Here’s what you do:

1. Pick your target wisely, Daniel-San. First, find a bar that you’d like to work in. To make things easy on yourself, make it a local bar and not a big chain. The bar you choose is going to be your target, and you’re going to slide on in before they know what happened.

Find out as much as you can about the establishment. Does it have staff turnover? If you picked my bar, you’d be out of luck – there are only two of us, and one of us is going to have to die in order for a shift to open up. That’s not the type of place you’re looking for. Conversely, there’s a bar in town that has an entirely new staff every six weeks – that’s probably not going to be a good job either, as the owners are obviously psychotic.

Pick a bar that’s staffed with people in your own demographic. If it’s staffed entirely by old ladies, you’re probably barking up the wrong tree as a 22 year-old guy. Look for a place that you’d fit in nicely.

2. Make The First Strike. Now it’s time to visit your target. Go in to the bar and have a drink. Alone. And bring a book. Timing is critical here. Nobody wants to talk to you on a Friday or Saturday night. Go in at night, when the decision-makers are likely to be working, and go in on a slow night. Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays are great times to hit your target.

Sit at the bar, preferably at one end, and order a beer. Yes, a beer. Don’t order a Lemon Drop, Mai Tai, or Long Island Iced Tea. You’re not here to get drunk, you’re here to have a drink and make an impression. Be polite, say please and thank you, offer to pay for the drink rather than running a tab, and tip appropriately. A dollar isn’t going to get you noticed, but a ten-spot is going to make you look like you want something. Leave your bartender three dollars for that beer. It’s a signal, and the bartender is going to assume you’re in the industry.

Now it’s time to thumb through your book. Remember, you’re not here to get drunk, you’re here to make an impression. With that three-dollar tip, you’re sitting pretty, and the bartender is probably going to pay attention to you. Be friendly, smile, and turn on the charm. Complement the bar.

Have another beer. Over-tip again. Ask the bartender, who is obviously taken by your charm and grace, his or her name. Get them to remember your name. Ask when they’ll be working again, and then leave.

3. Back Again? Repeat step two. This time, you’re going to already be in the bartender’s good graces. Repeat all of the steps exactly as you did the last time. By the end of your visit, your bartender is going to be dying to know who you are. He or she will probably ask what you do for a living. Tell them what you do, but keep it at that. Be polite and be sober. Ask your bartender what other places in town he/she would recommend that are similar. Make a note and visit those places as well. Ask questions. Seem interested.

Leave.

4. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. By now, your bartender is going to be thrilled to see you walking through the door. Do everything as you’ve done it before. Order a beer (by now your bartender probably knows what you’re having), tip well, and talk politely. Do this again and again. You’re going to encounter other staff members, and soon the whole establishment will know who you are. Above all, be polite to everyone. You’ve been noticed, and the staff is happy to have you around.

5. Drop The Bomb Now that you’ve insinuated yourself into the establishment, it’s time to let everyone know that you’re looking for a job, and that this is just the kind of place you’d love to work. How do you do that? You work it into casual conversation with your bartender. Don’t tell the door guy, or the cocktail waitress, or the manager. Tell your bartender, almost confidentially, that you have no experience, you want to learn the ropes, and that you’ve always wanted to be a barback. Yes, a barback.

Ask the bartender if they know anything open around town and keep your options open. You might not land a job here, but there might be another place that you can get your foot in the door. Ask around, and make sure you’ve been doing this same thing in some of the other bars your bartender mentioned in Step Two above.

6. Weaseling is What Separates Us From the Animals… Except the Weasel. Keep this up around town until you land a barbacking job. It might take a while, but something’s going to open up and you’re going to be the one who gets in there first. Why? Because everyone around town likes you by now. They know you’re looking, they know you’re a really great person, and you’re going to be the first one they think of then a job comes available.

Be persistent.

7. Be Strong. Like Bull. Congratulations, it’s your first night on the job. You’ve got a try-out as a barback at one of the bars you selected, and now it’s time to show them that you’ve got what it takes. Show up early, never on time, and don’t even think about being late. Work hard, speak little, move quickly, and don’t complain, not once. This is what we’re all looking for in a barback, so be that person. You’ll get the job, trust me.

8. Know the Ropes. Now that you’re everyone’s favorite barback, and you’re working hard, never complaining, and never late, you’re going to use this time to get to know every single thing you can about the job. Ask questions. Be interested. Offer help. Because soon, you’re going to be offered a shift of your own.

Now, it might take weeks or even months, but you’re working behind a bar already, so be patient and suck it up. You’re getting a better education than you’re going to get in any bartending school, and they’re paying you to do it.

By now, you’ve probably already paid for the beers you drank a few weeks ago when you were scouting for targets. Relax!

9. Bite the Bullet. You’re going to be offered a shift of your own, but you’re not going to like it. In fact, you’re going to hate it. Why? Because it’s going to be the Tuesday day shift. Take it. I worked mornings and happy hours for years before I moved up to Friday and Saturday nights. Take the shift, but try to hang on to your late-night barbacking shifts. Remember, you’re still at the bottom of the ladder, so nothing is beneath you. Work whatever shifts they throw at you, and do the best possible job you can. Remember, you’re making money.

10. Who’s Laughing Now? Congratulations, you’ve just been offered a night shift. It’s a Monday, and it’s slow, but there is that one group that always comes in, so you’re guaranteed a few dollars. Suck it up, take the job, and do the best possible job that you can.

Hey, guess what? You’re a bartender. I’ll have a beer, please.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Bartending Schools

Hey Bartender

I was wondering if you know anything about the myth (or not) that if you drink too much gin, you could go blind? Thanks!

Ashley

Hey Ashley

It’s – kinda – a myth. But not entirely.

Let’s start at the very beginning. There are basically two types of alcohol: ethanol and methanol (ethyl alcohol and methyl alcohol). Ethanol is what you’ll find in your bottle of Maker’s Mark, methanol is an industrial solvent. Ethanol is drinkable, methanol is not.

During Prohibition, liquor bootlegging was common, but government oversight into the production methods was not. Things can get pretty scary when you’ve got people making drugs in their bathtubs.

So, as with most unscrupulous drug production, the good stuff was often cut with the bad stuff. It’s cheaper to make. And what happens to you if you drink the bad stuff? Well, let’s Ask a Scientist:

Methyl alcohol is highly toxic. Ingestion, or exposition to vapors of even small quantities of methyl alcohol can cause blindness.

There you have it. If that’s not a great reason to celebrate the repeal of Prohibition, then I don’t know what is.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Gin Blindness

Hey Bartender

As a novice bartender I find that martini etiquette can be quite confusing, perhaps because the traditional martini and the present-day fad are different. I understand not shaking clear martinis, and I also do not add vermouth to vodka. I suppose I would like to hear your take on what to shake, and how to interpret customers. Also, do you shake Manhattans or stir them? From your article I was not sure of your take on them…

Thanks,
Hillary

Hey Hillary

The rule is that clear drinks should never be shaken – the thinking here is that since a clear drink is made from such delicate ingredients (traditionally aromatic liquors such as gins, fortified wines such as vermouths, aromatic bitters, etc.), the additional water that comes from shaking a drink would be an unwelcome component. And that definitely goes for the Manhattan as well.

I’m sure you know that using a chilled glass is going to keep the drink colder for longer (there’s nothing quite like pouring a cold drink in a warm glass), but the choice of container you use to mix the drink is just as important. Make sure to use a metal cocktail shaker rather than a glass, as metal is a better conductor of heat than glass is, and therefore draws heats from its surface and chills your drink better. Silver will get a drink colder than stainless steel will, and glass just acts as an insulator. The bummer is that silver shakers are difficult to come by these days.

As an aside, please note that it’s not possible to “bruise” gin. This is just a bullshit myth perpetuated by Martini “connoisseurs” who want to impress you with their “knowledge” and “sophistication”. It’s a meaningless term, trust me. However, they’re right about not shaking a martini – they just don’t get why.

As far as proportions are concerned, I personally love the flavor of vermouth. I know that’s not really a popular sentiment these days, but I’ve found that most martini drinkers have confused a hatred of vermouth for sophistication. Vermouth is a wonderful thing (sweet vermouth: oh-my-god), especially when we’re talking about high-quality vermouths. I tend to make my Martinis with less vermouth than I do my Manhattans: 4-to-1 gin to vermouth for a Martini, and 3-to-1 vermouth to bourbon/rye for a Manhattan.

It is impossible to guess a customer’s preference for gin versus vodka, vermouth versus none, bitters versus none, etc., so I recommend asking what your customer wants in their cocktail to ensure you give them the exact drink they’re looking for.

Even if it is a shaken vodka “martini” with no vermouth.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Martini Advice

Hey Bartender

I’m a waitress who was thrown into bartending by chance. Our bartender quit on a Friday night, so the manager came up to me and said, “Guess what …you’re it.”

This has been about 5 weeks ago. I’m learning rapidly and am doing okay. Fortunately, its a small bar and not heavily populated.

Can you give me any tips to keep my head above water? What is your best advice for a newbie?

Thanks,
Sydne

Hey Sydne

Congratulations! You’ve made a grand leap to a nobler segment of the service industry, rising above the rank-and-file world of waitstaff.

I’m kidding, of course. You’ll realize this when you’re on the floor behind the bar at 4 A.M. on a Friday, trying to fish a whole lime out of your floor drain because your dishwasher flooded the whole back bar. And yes, you’ll be doing this lying on your stomach in an inch of fetid water.

And yes, this is exactly what I was doing last Friday at 4 A.M.

Now, on to your question. I learned a great deal about mixology from the brilliant Paul Harrington. Not that I’ve had the opportunity to meet him in person. Hotwired used to carry his extensive website, but that link is now down. I would recommend you pick up a copy of his book, Cocktail: A Drinks Bible for the 21st Century. It’s in rare book status at this point, but you can still find copies out there on the net. It’s not cheap, but it’s well worth every penny.

Here’s a link to Amazon’s used selection. Brace yourself.

Now, the first thing you should know is that there are basic families of drinks. Learn how to make one drink in the family, and it’s all a matter of substitution from there on out.

The first family is the highball family. Typically an ounce and a half of liquor to three ounces of mixer. Now you can make a Gin and Tonic, Whiskey and Coke, Rum and Coke, Screwdriver, Seabreeze, Cape Cod, 7 and 7, etc. Brilliant.

Next up is the Martini family. The main members are the Martini, the Gibson and the Manhattan. I use a half ounce of vermouth to two ounces of liquor, always stirred, never shaken. Awesome.

The Sidecar is the grandfather of drinks. You can make modern drinks and classic cocktails if you learn the secret of the Sidecar. And it’s a piece of cake, always remember this rule: 2 parts strong, 1 part sour, and one part sweet. The strong is going to be your main liquor, brandy, tequila, gin, etc. Sour is almost always going to be either lemon or lime juice. And sweet is going to be either simple syrup, triple sec, Cointreau, or another liqueur. Now you can make a Margarita, a Kamikaze, Cosmopolitan, Lemon Drop, Daiquiri, etc.

I also like the Alexander family. One part strong, one part cream, and one part creme de cacao. Use gin, brandy, rum, or vodka as your strong and you’ve got it down. I would put the White Russian in this family, just for fun.

Then there are the one-offs, the drinks that don’t fall into any families. You’ve got to work these out for themselves. Here’s where you get into the Old Fashioned, the Mojito, the Ramos Fizz and the Mint Julep. It’s not a long list, you can do it.

That’s all I’ve got for you, Sydne. I hope this advice helps and that you enjoy the world of bartending. It’s a great job.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: New to Bartending

Hey Bartender

I want to ask out a bartender at the bar I go to sometimes with my friends, but I don’t know how I should ask her out. Can you give me some advice?

G

Hey G

Asking out a bartender, especially a female bartender, can be tricky. On one hand, she’s probably getting asked out by every other guy that bellies up to her bar, and is more than likely getting tired of it. On the other hand, she’s just a normal person with a normal job, and you should ask her out just as you’d ask out any other woman. Just be yourself.

That said, there are definitely ways to your bartender’s heart. Here’s a few pointers:

1. Tip. Yes, she looks like she’s having a great time entertaining you, and everyone else in the bar. But the reality is that she’s here because she’s got bills to pay. A great way of separating yourself from the rest of the crowd is to tip respectfully yet extravagantly. Think of a tip that seems like too much money. Now double it. That’s what you need to tip, per drink, every time you go into her bar. And be respectful: never, ever talk about the tip. Just order your drink, tip well, and leave. She’ll notice you, believe me.

2. Don’t get too drunk. I know you think you’re really, really funny and interesting when you’ve had eight shots, but believe me, she doesn’t. She may be laughing right along with you and letting you think she’s interested in hearing what you have to say, but if you’re slurring and looking like a drunken fool, it’s all an act. And if you do get too intoxicated at her bar, don’t try to sober up there over the course of the next three hours. Call a cab and go home.

3. Show her that you’re respectful of other women in the bar. If you’re in her bar every night trying to take home every drunk girl you encounter, chances are she’ll think you’re a scumbag rather than the suave Cassanova you think you are. Be nice, be respectful, and chances are she’ll notice.

There you go, G, and good luck.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Pursuing Bartenders

Hey Bartender

I was just surfing the net to get an idea of what to put on a resume for bartending when i have had no bartending experience. I have worked at McDonalds and a big candy store in NYC. I have a bartending license from NY but have had no job. Do you have any advice about putting together a resume? I would really appreciate it, thanks.

Jamie

Hey Jamie

You can’t do much about making yourself look like an experienced bartender if you don’t have any experience. However, with some retail and foodservice experience, in addition to your service permit, you should have a pretty good chance of getting in at the bottom somewhere.

I would recommend that you highlight as much of the foodservice and retail experience as possible, and maybe even consider leaving out some jobs that aren’t related at all. Bar and restaurant managers aren’t going care about the data entry you did back in 1998.

Don’t get discouraged if you’re offered a job as a barback, if you’ve got a good attitude, and you seem like a quick study and a hard worker, you’ll definitely move up into a more prominent position.

Good luck!

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Resume Advice

So, without further ado, here’s the first installment of Ask Your Bartender:

What should I do if a man I have less than zero interest in buys me a drink via the bartender? It seems wrong and rude to drink it, if I plan to tell the guy I’m not interested. Do I decline it?

K

Hey K

Some people, most of them men, seem to think that buying a drink for a woman at the other end of the bar is an old, chivalrous thing to do. I call bullshit.

Nothing says “Date Rapist” like a man trying to get a woman drunk at a bar. However, some women don’t realize this and even go so far as to make a point of going out to see how many free drinks they can amass.

That’s why at my bar, I tell my bartenders to use the following bit of decorum:

“Miss, the gentleman at the end of the bar in the backwards baseball cap would like to buy you a drink. You don’t have to accept it if you don’t want to. Would you like another?”

Nine times out of ten the woman declines, and the guy ends up leaving in a huff, offended that the bartender wasn’t playing along with his creepy little game. But you know what? I don’t care. I love the fact that our bar is known as a comfortable place for women to come enjoy a cocktail, and I’m not going to do anything to change that.

But here’s an important thing to remember, K: even if you do accept a drink from a man, you’re under no obligation to say anything more than “Thank you” to him. You don’t have to talk to him, and you don’t have to go home with him.

Just do me one favor if you accept a drink from a stranger, kiddo: make sure he hasn’t touched it, and that it was delivered personally by the bartender. Oh, and if your bartender doesn’t ask your permission to serve you a drink sent by a stranger, you’re probably better off just paying your tab and leaving.

Good luck, and be safe!

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Accepting Drinks

By the way, I love getting email through here, so keep ‘em coming.

Hey Nartender

I am a bartender in Wildwood, NJ. Someone asked me where the term Murphy (where you get the last shot in the bottle for free) came from. Please write me back.

Dana

Hey Dana

I did some research into your question. I’ve never heard that term or practice myself, so I talked to some other East Coast bartenders and searched the internet. No person or website I consulted had ever heard of this, so it might be a pretty local practice, giving away the last shot in a bottle and calling it a Murphy.

I would guess that the term “Murphy” is a generic kind of ethnic slur directed at the Irish, like “Mulligan” is in golf.

So, has anyone else heard of this? It’s totally unheard of here on the West Coast, apparently.

Post from: Jeffrey Morgenthaler. Follow me on Twitter.

Ask Your Bartender: Murphy