Jeffrey Morgenthaler

I considered naming this article “How To Take an Order Behind the Bar”, since there seems to be a problem with bartenders and servers not fully understanding the vocabulary used in their workplace. I was reminded of this while reading this thread on the StraightBourbon.com forums some time ago. Yes, there seems to be some confusion about the terms “neat”, “up” (or “straight up”) and “with a twist”, and my goal is to try to help straighten this mess out.

Neat

The first - and simplest - term we’re going to examine is “neat“. “Neat” - as applied to drinks served in bars - refers to a shot of liquor poured directly from the bottle and into a glass. There is no chilling involved with a “neat” drink. There is never an additional ingredient in a drink served “neat”. You can not have a Screwdriver served “neat”. That’s not how we use the word.

Up

If you walk into a bar and order a Dry Martini, “neat”, you might be served a tepid shot of Martini and Rossi Dry Vermouth in a room-temperature glass. That’s how the term “neat” is used. Although you know how much I love vermouth, nothing about that order sounds appetizing. What you were probably looking for was a Dry Martini, served “up. “Up” implies that there was some preparation involved, and that there is no ice in the final product. You can have a Manhattan on the rocks, or I can give it to you “up”.

Straight Up

Where the real confusion lies is with the term “straight up”. Although I don’t know where the choaos began, these days there is a bit of conversation required when that phrase is used.

Let’s say you order a Wild Turkey, “straight up”. Your bartender should assume you mean that you want your bourbon “neat”, and serve it as so. However, if you were looking for a chilled shot of whiskey in a cocktail glass, you probably should have dropped the “straight” and asked for your drink “up”. And if, as a bartender, you’ve received an order for a Ketel One “straight up”, you should probably check with your customer to make sure they’re looking for chilled vodka and vermouth, and not a glass of warm vodka.

Twist

The third term that causes some confusion on both sides of the bar is the word “twist”. I’ve ordered a gin martini with a twist (my preferred garnish) and received a big wedge of lemon on the side of the glass. I’ve taken an order for a gin and tonic with a twist, and had the drink sent back because I garnished with a thin strip of citrus peel. A delicate blend of gin and vermouth, the Martini is ruined by a big squeeze of lemon juice. Conversely, the bold flavors of a gin and tonic need more than a light spritzing of lemon or lime oils on the surface of the drink.

To recap:

Neat: Right out of the bottle.
Up: Chilled, and served in a cocktail glass.
Straight Up: Usually means “neat”, but check first.
Twist: A thin strip of citrus peel. Default is lemon.

As far as I’m concerned, springtime is Dark and Stormy season. As the rain pummels the ground here in the Pacific Northwest, a little window of blue sky nestled between two dark clouds in the neighboring distance makes me wish I were watching the rain fall from across a dark ocean, my little Caribbean fishing boat safe and sound under that warm patch of sunlight.

I’d fill a tall glass with ice and a generous dose of Gosling’s Black Seal rum from Bermuda, then reach into a wooden crate and withdraw a chilly little bottle of homemade ginger beer. I’d sip the cloudy mixture of liquid sunshine and sweet, dark nectar while I mindlessly squeezed a fresh lime into the glass. Feet: Up.

The problem with living in Oregon when this mood strikes is the absence of little wooden shacks that sell cases of fresh ginger beer stacked on back porches. But with some readily-available ingredients, a recipe I’ve been revising for several years - and a few free minutes - I can easily transport myself to that little fishing boat on the sea.

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I own a small library of books on the subject of bartending. Some of these books are geared toward the professional bartender, while others are written for the home mixologist. But regardless of the intended audience, almost every book I own heartily recommends that we use paring knives for cutting fruits and garnishes. The Art of the Bar, The Joy of Mixology, The Craft of the Cocktail, Larousse Cocktails, The Bartender’s Black Book, they all say the same thing: that a 4-inch paring knife is the right tool for the job.

But for my money (and the safety of my hands), there’s no better knife than a nine-inch, serrated, offset-handled sandwich sword.

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The Sazerac has been making a big comeback over the past year. It’s popping up on cocktails menus, bartenders are recommending them to their customers, and it’s even being suggested as an official state drink.

But after being served a warm shot of rye with a drop of Peychaud’s last week at a restaurant here in Eugene, and watching as Paul choked down what looked like a foamy rye Cosmopolitan this weekend, I figured that some pointers might be helpful.

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I found this video on the DrinkBoy forum this weekend, posted sometime last year. Those of you who have been reading for a while will know that I always love a good instructional video, as I’ve remarked upon time and again.

To recap, here’s the recipe:

1. Chill an 8-ounce cocktail glass.
2. Pick your nose, and wipe the resulting findings on the back of your hand.
3. In a mixing glass, add one ounce of Bacardi rum.

Note: rum is a liquor that comes in many different colors.

4. Add two ounces of sweet-and-sour mix.
5. Wipe nose on back of hand for four full seconds.
6. Shake drink gently.
7. Talk about difference between fresh lime juice and sour mix while drink melts in shaker.

Note: fresh limes are no longer used.

8. Strain drink into chilled glass.
9. Dump any excess in sink.
10. Enjoy!

The mojito education bus keeps on rollin’ on over here. Thanks to Joe Bartender for finding this brilliant (read: boobalicious) instructional video embedded below:

To recap, here’s the recipe:

1. Pick some mint for your mojito. Wink!
2. Put some ice like America.
3. Split half of the cup to half of the cup (to each glass the mixture).
4. Use “one part” of Bacardi rum.
5. Put “three parts” of club soda.
6. Make some lemon on side of glass.
7. Toast yourself and drink both glasses.

Enjoy!

And don’t forget to see another great instructional video here.

Well, it’s mojito season here in the northern hemisphere, which means it’s time for a little lesson for the novice and experienced mojito drinker alike. Follow these helpful hints, dear reader, and you won’t dare go wrong.

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On a busy night, there is always one guy lurking somewhere in the bar who will try to make you a rose out of a paper cocktail napkin as a romantic gesture.

This man is Satan and he drives a van. Do not trust him.