Jeffrey Morgenthaler

I’m not really much of a writer. It takes me a long time, I have to constantly erase and re-write huge passages, and I’ve always, always, always got a case of writer’s block. So I was thrilled to come up with my latest-and-greatest blog post last week while I was in Germany : My Five Favorite Guilty Pleasure Drinks. I got started by writing a few notes and talking to others at the BCB about their favorite guilty pleasure drinks, and was moving along quite nicely with the outline of the blog post.

So I’m sure you can imagine my outrage when I found out that fellow Pacific Northwester Stevi Deter over at Two At The Most had the same idea with her theme for this month’s Mixology Monday: Guilty Pleasures.

Actually, I was pleased as punch. Two birds, one stone, I love it when a plan comes together.

I’d like to preface this post with two important reminders:

1. These really are my favorite guilty pleasure drinks, I’m not making any of this up. You can offer me any of these drinks at pretty much any time, and I’ll gladly accept. I just feel a slight-to-great amount of shame at the time.

2. This is not an open invitation to the manufacturers, promotional departments, public relations firms or distributors of every crappy flavored liqueur in the world to send me samples of additional hideous products. These are my guilty pleasures, I’m happy with them, and I don’t need any more.

So without further chatter, here are my guilty pleasure drinks:

1. Vodka

I badmouth the spirit in private and trash it in public. I grimace every time you order a vodka martini – “Shaken, up, with three olives” – at my bar. For all of the shit I’ve talked over the years, vodka is my number one guilty pleasure drink – I will always accept a vodka on the rocks after work. I’ll drink a Screwdriver at the airport, and a Greyhound when I get on the plane. And if you’ve got a bottle in your freezer, you’ll catch me stealing straight shots right out of the frosty bottle neck. I love the stuff.

But I still hold it with a reasonable amount of contempt because I know vodka’s dirty little secret: it’s all the same. I won’t ever spring for the $50 bottle, and quite frankly neither should you. When I’m bellying up to the bar after a long night, I usually order a mid-priced vodka like Stoli or Smirnoff, and they both taste great.

Because after a long night of making – and tasting – drinks full of ingredients like single-malt Islay scotch, housemade Madeira cask-aged bitters and various bitter Italian liqueurs, I get a little tired of flavor. So I order a vodka, and I almost always accompany it with a…

2. Crappy Beer

Speaking of being tired of flavor, I could really go my whole life without having to choke down another smoked mocha porter, cardamom stout, or quadruple-hopped 3-hour IPA. I don’t drink beer for the flavor (sorry, Beaumont), I drink it for the beer.

But rather than being a purely reactionary choice, crappy beer is a true guilty pleasure: I like the taste. Sure, you won’t catch me dead wearing a beer logo-emblazoned trucker hat, but I’ll happily swing a Bud longneck with you, or help you finish that pitcher of Miller High Life so we can roll down the street for dollar Coor’s Light pounders.

Because that’s the way Dad rolled, and that’s how I roll, too.

3. Anything with Baileys Irish Cream

I will drool like a dog at the mere mention of Irish cream. I’ll take it in my coffee, I’ll drink a B-52, and if you buy me an Oatmeal Cookie shot I’ll slam it before the toast is over. I even use those little International Flavors non-dairy Irish creamers in the morning. I’m ape-shit for Irish cream and I don’t care who knows it. Hell, I even make my own when I’ve drunk the liquor store dry.

If you asked me what I thought the two miracles of modern civilization were, I’d have to name: the internet, and Bailey’s Irish Cream, both circa 1974. I shudder in horror when I think about what life must have been like before email and BFKs, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I only had to endure three miserable years before all was right with the world. In fact, there’s only one Irish cream-based drink out there I won’t stand for, and that’s a Cement Mixer. Blasphemy.

4. Jägermeister

I know it’s a frat boy drink, but unless you’ve had it coming out of your nose at 4 in the morning and can’t physically drink the stuff, there’s no way you can look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t like Jägermeister because you’re a liar and I won’t believe you. Shoot it, sip it, I’ll take it any way I can get it. I even had my eyes opened one late night at Simon Difford’s house (hi, Simon!) when David Cordoba mixed up one of his famous Jägeritas and I practically begged him for the recipe. And here it is:

The Jägerita

2 oz Jägermeister awesome German liqueur
1 oz Cointreau
1 oz fresh lime juice
½ oz simple syrup

Shake ingredients over cracked ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

5. Piña Coladas

I love Piña Coladas so much I want to marry them. I know that some of you in Hawaiian shirts will turn down your noses at me, all “How dare he suggest it’s shameful to drink a Piña Colada! It’s a time-honored classic, an archetype, Hemmingway drank them for God’s sake!”

Bullshit. It’s made in a blender, and it calls for cream of coconut out of a can. Enjoying one is the guiltiest – and the most pleasurable – of guilty pleasures.

So there you have it, internet pals. My five dirtiest secrets. But I’ll leave you with this one caveat: there might be a lot of cocktail übersnobs out there, but I guarantee you that I’ve shared each one of these guilty pleasure drinks with at least one of them. And we smiled and clinked glasses as we felt the guilt. Those of you who don’t believe me, are cordially invited to suck it.

I spent the week leading up to Tales of the Cocktail revisiting the Vieux Carré cocktail, which was created at the Carousel Bar at the Hotel Monteleone by bartender Walter Bergeron in 1938. I tried several of the recipe variations out there on unsuspecting customers all week long, perfecting the Vieux Carré before getting on the plane and heading to the Carousel Bar to have one for myself.

Okay, so the Vieux Carrés I found at the hotel weren’t that great. But the novelty of being able to walk into a bar and ask for this venerable old drink was enough to keep me satisfied.

One of the first things people asked me upon my return to work was, “How were the Vieux Carrés at the hotel?”

“Okay,” I’d reply, “but I think ours are better.”

My over-confidence came around and bit me on the backside when I realized that I hadn’t ordered enough Benedictine to make more than a handful of drinks that first night back. Fortunately I’m a resourceful lad from time to time, and I reached for the bottle of Strega to stand in for Benedictine. Switching out apple brandy for the cognac and some housemade cinnamon tincture in place of the bitters, I’d inadvertently built a drink for our coming fall drink menu…

I’m going to start breaking these Mixology Monday posts into two parts, the second half containing the bit about the actual drink (let’s see how that works). Continue reading below, or click here for the recipe.

Clearly I have been smiled upon by a greater power as of late, for I have been fortunate to take on so many new readers over the past month. If you’re one of those new to the site: welcome!

For the benefit of the newcomers, I feel I should explain how things work around here. A few years ago, this guy named Paul Clarke had a great idea: let’s get all of the cocktail bloggers out there to get together and write about the same thing for a day. So one website becomes designated as the “host” and chooses a theme that everyone adopts and writes about, and then the host donates a summary of all the day’s events. (I even tried to host last December, but decided to blow the whole thing off and fly to New York to celebrate Repeal Day with my friends from Dewar’s scotch instead.)

So here I am on Sunday, having my whole day off ruined yet again as I wrack my brain trying to think of something to write about, and honestly getting quite frustrated. So, a solution: I’m going to make something using only the ingredients in my liquor cabinet and try a previously untested recipe from one of my many books on the subject of cocktails.

When I think about rum, I think about Trader Vic. And when I think about Trader Vic, I think about dusting off my 1947 edition of Trader Vic’s Bar-Tender’s Guide and looking for a recipe I’ve never tried. So that’s exactly what I did. On page 209, he gives us the recipe for a Beachcomber Cocktail, calling for light rum, lime, Cointreau, maraschino liqueur and a Waring blender – all of which can be found at my house on a standard Sunday in May.

At first glance, this looks suspiciously like the poorly-translated recipe for the La Florida Daiquiri #4 found on page 215, with the substitution of Cointreau for sugar. But cocktailian tradition dictates that by changing one or more ingredients in a cocktail, we’ve created a new drink altogether, so let’s forge ahead:

Beachcomber Cocktail (Trader Vic’s Version)

2 oz light rum
½ oz Cointreau
Juice ½ lime
2 dashes maraschino liqueur

Mix in Waring mixer with shaved ice; pour unstrained into chilled champagne glass.

The verdict? It’s gross. First of all, we’ve got two ounces of light rum, which is a big speed bump of alcohol to try to climb over. Next, the drink is blended, which to me always calls for some big, bold flavors since things tend to get lost among all of that blended ice and water. A scant tablespoon each of lime and orange liqueur, spiked with maraschino liqueur doesn’t strike me as bold, so I’m going to recommend bumping up the proportions and selecting some brands.

Right off the bat I’m going to suggest using something other than the Myers’s Platinum I used at home. Try a Puerto Rican like Bacardi, 10 Cane from Trinidad or St. Croix’s Cruzan Estate Light, which is aged for two years. Each of these rums is going to provide a slightly sweeter base with less of the acids that I find to be the hallmark of Jamaican rum.

Next, let’s use ¾ ounce each of lime and Cointreau – enough already with this “juice of ½ a lime” business. As for the maraschino, let’s try a half teaspoon if using a sweeter liqueur like Maraska, and a quarter teaspoon each of simple syrup and maraschino if using a heavier version such as Luxardo.

Beachcomber Cocktail (Adjusted)

2 oz light rum
¾ oz Cointreau
¾ oz lime juice
¼-½ tsp maraschino liqueur
¼ tsp simple syrup (optional)

Blend well with ice and pour into a chilled champagne coupe.

This seemed to work better with my palate, but I tend to like drinks that taste delicious. To read about a whole bunch of other tasty beverages, head over to my friend Trader Tiki’s website for the complete wrap-up of this month’s Mixology Monday, along with more rum and Tiki information than you can shake a swizzle-stick at.

It’s Mixology Monday time around here again, and this month we’re hosted by the lovely Anna at Morsels and Musings. Anna has chosen the theme of “Fruit Liqueurs” for this month’s edition.

Just to warn you before you invest too much personal (or work, heh) time, there are no fruit liqueurs used anywhere in this post.

There is a liqueur made from flowers, which eventually turn into berries. But flowers aren’t a fruit. There is wine, which I guess comes from fruit. But I boil the booze out of it and add a bunch of sugar, so it’s not really a liqueur, it’s a fruit syrup. Sorta.

But I really, really wanted to share this drink with you, because it tastes incredible and it embodies the sort of building-layers-of-flavor thing I’ve been working on lately.

Click here to continue reading »

There are a few reasons why I’m more excited than ever for Mixology Monday this month. First of all, I’m beside myself because our host is Jimmy Patrick, who is a fellow bartender and a good friend.

Bartenders are a surprisingly rare breed in this little cocktail blogger community of ours, so he and I are often awash in a sea of pundits. Sometimes I need to write to Jimmy and ask, “How are we supposed to make 100 of those on a Friday night?”, or “What the heck are they talking about?” when something is too difficult for me to grasp either technically or intellectually. Jimmy also took over my duties when Dewar’s scotch called on my Mixology Monday and told me to pack my bags for a 10 AM flight to Manhattan the next morning. I love Jimmy Patrick.

But I’m especially enthusiastic this month because Jimmy has chosen the theme of variations for his Mixology Monday. The idea really spoke to me, because it sums up exactly what I’ve been obsessing over for the past four weeks at my new job: the makeover of Bel Ami’s cocktail menu.

Taking over an existing drink menu is a bit of a balancing act. While we didn’t want to alienate our customers and servers by jettisoning drinks that had been a part of their experience for many years, we felt that the cocktails needed a facelift. So in the end, we came up with variations of some of the house drinks as a way of introducing a bar program that focused on fresh ingredients, culinary technique, and classic proportions. I’ll illustrate this today with three cocktail case studies.

Click here to continue reading »

Well, here we are at Mixology Monday time again. Our host for this round is Marleigh over at Sloshed! and in my mind she’s picked a real winner of a theme: brandy.

I love brandy. I love to consume it, I love to sell it, and I love to mix with it. A few months ago, someone suggested I come up with a great Oregon cocktail, and as I scanned the backbar at work my eyes landed on one of my most beloved Oregon spirits, Clear Creek Apple Brandy.

If you come to Oregon for the first time, you’ll likely land in Portland. And while spending some time exploring that great city of ours should be one of the first things on your list, please take a day to explore an area nearby that is often overlooked, even by Oregonians.

From Portland, take Highway 84 east for about an hour and a half, following the breathtaking Columbia River valley to the town of Hood River. After lunch, take some time to explore the valley south of town. It’s a luscious region that lies in the shadow of Mount Hood, full of apple and pear orchards, and little family farms selling fresh berries on the side of the road. You can still buy a Coke in a glass bottle at the general store here, and spend hours exploring as you sip. It’s an incredible little place to lose yourself in during those perfect Oregon summer days.

This wonderful setting is where Clear Creek grows the apples used in their apple brandy. This drink is my humble tribute to that place.

The Cascade Crush

2 oz Clear Creek apple brandy
1 oz lemon juice
¾ oz simple syrup
1 tsp Marionberry jam

Shake ingredients over cracked ice until combined. Strain over ice in a double-rocks glass. Garnish with fresh Marionberries when in season, or with lemon peel during the cold, rainy months when you long to return to that little valley on a warm summer afternoon.

I love this drink. Thank you for reading.

This being my first ever time hosting Mixology Monday, I’m a little nervous. So bear with me. Also, my schedule has taken a turn for the busier… I’m leaving tomorrow morning to celebrate Repeal Day with the folks from Dewar’s scotch in New York City!

As Repeal Day is coming up on the 5th, I thought we should all get in the spirit by mixing our favorite Prohibition-era cocktails. On to the entries!

Click here to continue reading »

I have been given the honor of hosting next month’s Mixology Monday here, and since it is in such close company with December 5th, which is Repeal Day, I’ve decided to try to combine the two and have a little fun with it.

So, for this round of MxMo, you’re going to need to write about a pre-Prohibition-era cocktail, tell a Repeal Day story, create an original drink inspired by Prohibition, etc.

So crack open your new copies of David Wondrich’s Imbibe!, plan a Repeal Day event, or reach deep into your inspiration well and come up with something to wow the world with. We’ll all meet back here on Monday for the round-up.

Update – the folks at Dewar’s scotch sent along this video to help get the juices flowing:

That is all. Carry on.