El Vaquero: Drink Fresh. Or, Don’t.

See more Uncategorized

Someone sent their drink back tonight.

Scott and I put a lot of care into our cocktails: we use all fresh ingredients, we measure absolutely everything, and we’re passionate about every drink we put out. We’re proud of the fact that our drinks rarely get sent back, so when one of our servers came back to the bar with a half-consumed margarita, we were naturally concerned.

“And he wanted to know what took you so long”, she said, “He asked if you were growing the tequila yourself.”

We tasted the rejected drink, and it was perfect. And believe me, I’m harder on my drinks than most of the people drinking them. So what was this guy’s problem? And how do you grow tequila?

“Who sent this back?”, I asked.

Jared from Subway“, the server growled as she stormed off.

Oh, ha ha ha. We all play this game, it’s a fun way to relieve the tension at work. You know how it’s played: some dude that looks like Matlock is sitting on table 9. Lisa Bonet just walked in the side door. Check out Eddie Munster on 7. But this guy, this guy looked exactly like Jared from Subway! She’d really nailed him, and I couldn’t stop staring at the poor guy.

But then I realized she might not be kidding when I looked over and saw some prom kids posing for pictures with him. Wait a minute, I thought, why would these people want their picture taken with holy shit, Scott, that’s really Jared from Subway!

“I was wondering how long it would take you, do you ever pay attention to anyone?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Jared from Subway is really on 3?!”

“The one and only, boss.”

“What the hell is he doing in Eugene?”

“He’s probably here for the marathon tomorrow, like as a spokesman for Subway or something.”

“So, what, the guy eats fast food every day and this margarita doesn’t measure up to his strict standard of quality?”

“I guess not. He just switched to Corona.”

“Yuck. And what is he doing drinking margaritas anyway? I thought he was a health nut or something.”

“I dunno,” Scott said, “Maybe he walked here.”

16 Replies to “El Vaquero: Drink Fresh. Or, Don’t.”

  • Tek says:

    That seems like a lot to me to. Does crappy sour mix really have that many calories?

  • Dan says:

    The liquor and cointreau would amount to around 200 calories I’d say, if you’re using a half ounce of each. The calories from lemon juice are negligible, and a splash of simple syrup and an ounce or two of coke isn’t exactly going to rack up the calories either…

    BUSTED.

    Their margarita recipe sucks, too. They use four ounces of tequila and some crappy pre-made lime/sour mix.

  • Steve says:

    Crappy sour mix, from what I remember staring at the bottles at the liquor store, have about 200 calories (basically 50 g sugar) in a 4 oz. serving. That’s nasty.

    Simple syrup, on the other hand, if my knowledge of Fancy Science and Basic Arithmetic aren’t failing me, contains 24 g of sugar per ounce (about 100 calories). It has more calories per ounce, but if there’s a drink that calls for 4 oz. of simple syrup, I’m not drinking it.

  • Jeffrey says:

    I think I remember the article saying something about assuming an ounce of liquor each, so they were probably starting out at 400-500 calories. I’d bet they put 4oz mixer in there, which would make for a huuuge Long Island, much stronger than any bartender I know would ever serve a customer.

    Wait a minute, why are we debating Long Islands again? Yuck.

  • Dan says:

    I’d really like to know why Long Islands are so popular.

    Yuck, indeed.

  • For one simple reason: They mask the taste of the alcohol, so people can get themselves ambush drunk. Has nothing to do with quality.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *