Of Grape and Groan

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Dear Wine Distributors and Wine Shops

Okay, here’s the deal. Your company names are atrocious. I can’t take you seriously any longer! I’m sorry. The Tannin Booth just isn’t going to cut it. No way. Same goes for you, Grape Expectations. You’ve lowered yourselves to the level of mall haircut places, like Shear Delight or A Cut Above. Names like that. It’s funny, but sad.

You’re trying to sell an 80-dollar bottle of Cabernet Franc out of a storefront named The Grape Escape. It reminds me of Douglas Coupland (Shampoo Planet) or the Simpsons (Wee Monsieur). Except for the part where those are books and TV shows.

So, please, change your name to something we can all respect, like A&M Wine Purveyors or something. Please. Please!

Also, the following names will no longer be tolerated:

The Merchant of Vino
All Things Grape and Small
Pinot Envy
D’Vine Wine
Zins of the Father
Vine and Dine
Que Syrah Syrah

Thank you for your time.

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